7 People Talk About The Time They Were Gaslighted

The term gaslighting comes from the 1938 Patrick Hamilton play of the same name. In the film adaptions that followed in '40 and '41, the husband in question literally dims the lights in the house and gets his wife to think she's imagining things. The term soon found its way to medical and other literature.

If you've ever suspected that someone's trying to manipulate you, then you've most probably been the victim of gaslighting. Here are seven first hand accounts that show how gaslighting works.

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#1

"My ex got out of bed and said he was going to make coffee. After my shower, I went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and when I found the pot empty, I asked him why he hadn't made any yet. He answered "I never said anything about making coffee" Now, this wasn't a big deal to me, I was happy to make the coffee, but confused about his reply. I said he had said he was going to make coffee when he left the bedroom 10 minutes ago and he insisted that he had not, and joked that I must be going crazy. I did have a bit of a short term memory issue, so this was easy for him to exploit. This kind of thing was played out over and over again in random, mundane situations like who put the milk back in the fridge or who said what, etc. Until I really did doubt myslef. Over time, the gaslighting became more sinister, but by then, I was already unable to trust my own memory or perception of things. He had me insisting to my doctor that I was bipolar and in need of medication, and despite 3 different doctors telling me I was not bipolar, he insisted I was, and I believed I was broken in some way. By the time I divorced him 10 years later, I was a mess. He would continue insist to my face that he had never laid a hand on me, but I knew better, but it's pretty convincing when he says it. It took me longer than it should have to trust my own memories. That hole in the wall where the coffee cup that missed my head landed helped."

—kinamonkey

#2

"My ex husband exhibited behaviors that felt a lot like gaslighting. In any disagreement, he always insisted that he was right, that he was the logical and reasonable one, and that I was the inconsistent and irrational one. He'd say the most ridiculous things but in a cold, measured tone of voice. If I raised my voice at all, or let any kind of emotion color my voice, he'd take that as proof that he was calm and I was not, and therefore his point of view was more valid than mine."

—heart_of_blue

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#3

"My dad is a classic emotional abuser. His favourite thing is to move or hide other people's possessions, mail, etc. He insists that they never were there. Second favorite is to scream insults then act confused and hurt when you react in kind."

—neko

#4

My parents used to do it more maliciously. I would ask for permission to go over to a friend's or go somewhere and they'd say yes. I'd go do the thing. I would come home and they'd claim they never had that conversation and never gave me permission and then would ground me for weeks. I spent a good portion of my childhood grounded. I didn't realize until years after moving out that it wasn't a normal thing.

—sleepingwideawake

#5

"For 3 years any time I had a gripe and got angry or annoyed my ex would always accuse me of trying to hurt him or make things unfair for him. He kept using 'it is what it is' or 'it's out of my control" as excuses for not trying to fix things. Worst of all, at one point he even got his mum to phone me up in his place as he "was a quivering mess upstairs" and 'couldn't bear to disappoint me.'"

—Rudahn

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#6

"[My dad] used to take my mail and use it for scrap paper. Granted, it wasn't important mail, just credit card offers. But it was addressed to me and he had no right to open it or take it for himself. And of course if I said anything he claimed he didn't know what I was talking about and that he would never take my mail.
He would lose his temper over the smallest things and scream insults, but then if I defended myself he would put on the whole 'I can't believe you're being such an reasonable b**ch! How dare you?!?!' act."

—justsamthings

#7

"I had an ex who did stuff that could is close :
Driving back from somewhere in the car
Her : It's ok, you don't have to be angry now.
Me : Eh ?
Her : Don't worry, you don't have to be angry about it.
Me : What are you on about ?
Her : That thing with the guy, you didn't need to be angry.
Me, getting frustrated as I have no idea what she's on about : I have no idea what you're talking about.
Her : Don't great angry about it again now.
Me : I didn't see any guy.
Her : Stop getting angry, let's just drop it.
Me : Drop what ?!
Her : silence"

—bengji81