We are all human, and wanting love and companionship is in our DNA. We all get attached to people and try and create long-term associations with them.
Some of our relationships are are based purely on physical attraction while others are platonic and emotional. This also means that we have a? tendency to make mistakes in our relationships.
We also don¡¯t have the time to objectively look at why things fall apart. And the answers are not always at the bottom of a bottle.
One of the most common causes of a breakup is when your ego starts to rule the relationship rather than love. Mansi, 24, says ¡°I¡¯ll never admit it to my ex, but if I hadn¡¯t been so egoistic, we¡¯d still be together.
I recognise it now, but I didn¡¯t back then. I guess that¡¯s what growing up does to you. It was always more important for me to win the argument. In that process, I lost out on a solid relationship.¡±
Paras Sharma, 32, opines ¡°I don¡¯t know why but I¡¯ve always struggled with communication. I think growing up I didn¡¯t come from a family that spoke openly or freely about anything.
As a result, I don¡¯t even realise it when I subconsciously shut down. I know it must be extremely hard on the other person in a relationship with me. I honestly think that¡¯s why it hasn¡¯t worked out with anyone yet.
The root cause is always this ¨C communication. I know it deep down, and I want to work on it but I don¡¯t know how to.¡± Communication, or struggles with communication are the reason many couples don¡¯t make it to the proverbial finish line.
Part of it comes from being deeply entrenched in a culture that doesn¡¯t show us how it¡¯s done and part of it is also up to each individual and their ability to adapt to a relationship. In the end, communication is the key to any successful relationship.
We all think relationships should be rosy, and sometimes they are. But what about the other times? Any real couple will tell you it¡¯s not all candle-lit dinners and exotic vacations.
It¡¯s so much more than that. It¡¯s money matters and religion and time management and work pressures. It¡¯s balancing a lot of messy things just to make it work. In the end, what makes a relationship successful is if both partners involved live in a real world where they take the bad with the good.
Accepting things for what they are can be challenging at times. It takes extremely mature and practical individuals to make it all work. Ruhi, 27, says ¡°I knew it wasn¡¯t going anywhere beyond a point.
He always wanted to do the fun stuff - the clubbing and the vacations ¨C but that¡¯s not all there is to life, no? I think we had grown as individuals in the years that we were together. It¡¯s just that we were very different individuals now. That¡¯s all.¡±
Rahul, 25, says ¡°I can safely say I didn¡¯t go wrong in my last relationship. She threw the biggest tantrum because on our monthly anniversary, I didn¡¯t get her a big present and flowers. She refused to talk to me for days after. I¡¯ve reached a point in my life where this sh*t just won¡¯t fly.
We were never on the same page but I guess it took this incident to make me realize that.¡± Being on the same wavelength as your partner is super important.
We go wrong (or the relationship goes wrong) when we operate out of denial. The state of denial is a comfortable place to live, but relationships don¡¯t bloom there.
Adulting is bloody hard. You are trying to make a name for yourself in this world, trying to find a suitable companion, trying to be a good child to your parents and trying to do the things you enjoy.
Is a relationship just a tag to you or is it something that you really want? Is your life enriched because of your partner or is your partner just a topping on the pie of life? These are pertinent questions because they determine what you choose to keep in your life.
Mishika Bhatia says, ¡°I don¡¯t want to mince my words.I know I lost out on Varun because I simply didn¡¯t have enough time, but when you are studying to become a CA, that is kind of like part of the territory. It was a difficult period but I can also see why he wanted to end things.¡±
All relationships come down to love and love alone. Everything else becomes peripheral, when love ceases to exist between two people. And yes, one is allowed to fall out of love. It¡¯s not a crime; it happens.
We must learn to recognise it and be fair to our partner should it happen to us. We only go wrong in a relationship when we know deep down that we don¡¯t feel the same anymore but continue to drag it as if it were a keepsake of some sort.
*All names have been changed to protect identity