Being A Criminal In Your Own Home – Proof That We Know Nothing About Our Queer

What’s your worst nightmare? Standing naked in the middle of a busy road? Losing your loved ones? Being alone in the dark with no one to listen to you yell? Falling down an endless abyss so treacherous, you can hardly breathe? No matter what your worst nightmare is, you might find some comfort in knowing that it’s just that – a nightmare. Some people don’t have that luxury; some people live their worst nightmares – literally or figuratively - every single day of their lives, with open eyes.

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'Unnatural', 'different', 'unconventional' – a lot of subtle yet not so subtle discriminatory terms have been used for them. They are criminals in their own home; Criminals who’ve never picked up a knife, never aimed the barrel of a gun towards anyone, never bludgeoned anyone to death. And yet, under section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, they are criminals worthy of life imprisonment.

So, when I first spoke to Arunima, I wasn’t sure what I was going to ask her. I had always only known black and white, I was yet to wrap my head around the rainbow.

Of mistaken identities?

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‘Who are you?’ might just be one of the toughest questions we come across; one we spend our lives finding an answer to.

“I am a lawyer by profession. But it doesn’t define me and my personality and who I am.” When I asked her what did define her, she told me, “I like socializing, I like animals. My work doesn’t take over my life.”

To be honest, at this point I was hoping she would talk about her sexuality because I still didn’t know how to. So, I confessed to her that for the longest time I was taught that my gender defined me.

“My gender or my sexuality is a part of my life. But they don’t really define me. So, if someone says Arunima is a lesbian that’s not accurate. Also, I don’t identify as a lesbian. I identify as a queer person who is attracted to not just women, but also people of other genders except cis-male”, she said.

Of the totkas to not be gay or lesbian?

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Not so long ago an evangelical Christian group claimed that gay, lesbian, or bisexual people could change their sexual orientation if they prayed hard enough. While anyone who was rational almost barfed at the ignorance (and perhaps arrogance), there exist way too many people who believe it to be true.

“I think it’s really stupid. My mother who is very accepting of me and my sexuality and all my other traits, believes that sexuality and gender are not things you can choose, that’s what you are. It’s not like oh today I am not feeling so good I want to be a man. It doesn’t work like that. The way gender is conditioned into our society, the way being heteronormative is ingrained in us, that is what is unnatural.”

Of coming out

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“It’s always there, somewhere you always know who you are and what you feel most comfortable with. It’s a matter of time, environment and opportunity where a person is able to come out – to themselves and whoever they want to, if at all they do. I think it’s each person’s prerogative whether or not they want to come out. It’s not the most important thing in the world to do. The important thing to do is to feel safe and comfortable within yourself.”

Of power struggles and Section 377

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If the best lawyer in town belongs to the LGBT community, would you be tempted to go to the second best? I asked Arunima if her profession made her feel empowered…

“I feel law generally is very empowering, for anyone. But as far as 377 is concerned it’s not empowering to know that there’s a law that criminalizes consensual sex in adults. Marital rape is not recognized by law, which is non-consensual sex within a marriage. It’s a really really bad law. Section 377 equates consensual sex between adults to non-consensual sex between adults, or an adult and a child, or an adult and an animal. You can’t equate consensual to non-consensual sex.”

“This is not even an Indian law that has been brought in through legislation. It has been thrust upon us by the British. India’s rich culture has always been full of people of different genders and sexualities. By the way, Britain has abolished its counterpart of section 377.”

Of change and hope?

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You and I can’t afford to be Ostriches with their heads in the sand anymore. Section 377 is back in the limelight and the hope is, things will change for the better.

“I think we have a bunch of very progressive judges sitting in the SC right now. If you look at the privacy judgement [Right to Privacy], it’s beautifully worded. It includes a lot of things that matter to me, not just sexuality and gender - things like Aadhaar. I am more worried about what SC is going to decide about Aadhaar. Not that I don’t want 377 to change, but I know this is a long fight.”

?“I hope this country moves towards being a more tolerant country, not just about people with different sexualities but people with different genders, eating habits, religious beliefs. What is the point of living in a country that decriminalizes sexual orientation but doesn’t allow them to choose what they eat or where they are attacked because they belong to a “lower” caste?”