39 Jokes About Being Single So Goddamn Funny You'll Think Any Other Way Of Living Is A Lie
Who are we if not beings capable of laughing at ourselves? And single people, at least, learnt to laugh at themselves much before any other kind of human. Let's just say you ain't felt the heat of being single till you've read these jokes. So, since you don't have anything better to do anyway, just sit back, scroll through these comments and keep all screaming for inside your head.
1. How it all started
¡ª Funny Tweets? (@Lmao) January 29, 2018
2. When you kill it before it begins
him: your single? why?
¡ª Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) May 3, 2015
me: you're*
3. Me.
just dropped my new single
¡ª pakalu papito (@pakalupapito) August 30, 2014
it's me
i'm single
4. Hallelujah!
Sometimes I think 'maybe I should go out and meet people' and then I remember I don't really like people or leaving my house. #whyimsingle
¡ª Tammy Watson (@Tamashay) February 9, 2017
5. Go drunk, you home. What?
Go home, clock. You're drunk.
6. Sitting here wondering...
pizza won't divorce you
¡ª 9GAG (@9GAG) October 11, 2015
pizza won't betray you
pizza won't cheat on you
pizza won't fight with you
why don't people just marry pizza
7. Y yu do dis, Rihanna?
sometimes I get sad cus I'm single then I remember Rihanna is single n I get happy then I remember Rihanna is wealthy n I get sad again
¡ª glolita (@LilGlolita) April 30, 2016
8. Boo hoo
How to tell if someone is single
Imgur
9. Forever alone
Can I permanently reserve that seat?https://t.co/Z585NsnTBy pic.twitter.com/SeZNnJxAKM
¡ª 9GAG (@9GAG) January 28, 2018
10. Ha, ha. No.
Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.
¡ª Robin McCauley Lynch (@RobinMcCauley) March 5, 2014
11. This might begin to explain why you're still single though
I¡¯m a social vegan. I avoid meet.
¡ª pakalu papito (@pakalupapito) September 3, 2017
12. Right?
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
¡ª Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) May 6, 2014
13. Besides, your jokes aren't getting any funnier
Y do dis?https://t.co/0U90DbubQe pic.twitter.com/Tg8P9LxhI9
¡ª 9GAG (@9GAG) January 4, 2018
14. This one hit too close to home
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message"
¡ª Mae (@mzeld) January 10, 2015
15. The self-imposed bro-zone isn't helping
I'm not your bro, mate.https://t.co/2eFI2CXqml pic.twitter.com/Kj1KJeG6qA
¡ª 9GAG (@9GAG) December 28, 2017
16. This one's so sweet it's making me cry
Being single is the best. So much time to do what you want. Think and reflect. Stare into the void and try to remember what touch felt like.
¡ª Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 1, 2016
17. The Tinder truth you can't unsee
You were the hot single in your area the whole time.
¡ª Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) September 25, 2015
18. The future is now
The best part of still being single in my 30s is that chances are good I'm going to get to live out my fantasy of being an evil stepmother.
¡ª Sarah (@thetigersez) May 13, 2016
19. Erm...
"Some days are good¡ and some days you just feel like the only dog at a llama orgy." pic.twitter.com/R8LNKyD0am
¡ª David Jennette (@DaveJ_Photoman) December 18, 2014
20. This one plain hurt
*uses Ouija Board*
¡ª Blind Chow (@BlindChow) November 27, 2014
Is anyone there?
£É £È£Á£Ö£Å £Á £Â£Ï£Ù£Æ£Ò£É£Å£Î£Ä
21. Put your hands up if this is you
Me opening up to someone pic.twitter.com/lyZG7SHR4C
¡ª MARIO (@MarioPalush) January 4, 2017
22. When even being popular doesn't get you far
Come with us they said. You'll have fun they said. pic.twitter.com/bRvkPrNspn
¡ª Kimberley Dadds (@KimberleyDadds) May 29, 2015
23. Hello, anyone there?
I'm just looking for someone to listen to sad music with.
¡ª Blind Chow (@BlindChow) September 6, 2017
24. When your advertisement reads something like this
ugly but I can make u laugh
¡ª pakalu papito (@pakalupapito) August 23, 2017
25. Your ass is so single, you have to come up with new ways to make them bark for you
¡°When you come home late and your dog doesn¡¯t bark¡± ?? pic.twitter.com/Du1hQU1IVo
¡ª Funny Tweets? (@Lmao) January 28, 2018
26. Oh shit
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
¡ª Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) May 26, 2014
27. *Sighs*
when ur friends are dating trash people but you know you'll sound bitter if you try to tell them bc you're single pic.twitter.com/ett33R7AYw
¡ª FREDDY (@FreddyAmazin) October 5, 2015
28. Serious advice from, you guessed it, a guy who is single AF
Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.
¡ª Mike Bianchi (@Mike_Bianchi) January 1, 2016
29. Ain't that the truth
everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I'm over here like "I love food"
¡ª pakalu papito (@pakalupapito) June 21, 2017
30. Silently screams
Ugh my boyfriend is taking forever to exist
¡ª Andreea Hluscu (@ayyhluscu) January 1, 2013
31. Why they run off
My Crush: *tells a joke*
¡ª Funny Tweets? (@Lmao) January 26, 2018
Me: pic.twitter.com/XQgIfBMHhi
32. Eeesh
nothing like filling out a dating profile to make you realize how boring you are
¡ª Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) September 20, 2014
33. Yeah, you wish
what if a ghost is in love with me and is using its powers to keep boys away from me because that would explain a lot
¡ª Common Girl (@SoReIatable) February 17, 2014
34. Single ladies
I waxed my legs. They're smoother than a babies ass. I just thought I would post that on social media since nobody actually knows what they feel like because #single.
¡ª ? Sasshole ? (@PessimisticPod) January 26, 2018
35. Ay, caramba
Cute guy is looking at you at the bar. Smile at him. Realize football game is on behind you. #TheSingleLife
¡ª The Single Life (@The_SingleLife) October 13, 2010
36. Hey, at least there's an upside
I just ate an entire pizza by myself. #TheSingleLife
¡ª The Single Life (@The_SingleLife) June 29, 2011
37. Say what?
a friend once told me "in every relationship, one person is suffering and one person is bored." pretty sure being single is both at once
¡ª Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) January 24, 2016
38. The awful truth
when you're just trying to relax but you remember life is a perpetual cycle of vicious hardships and disappointments pic.twitter.com/lo0xghbyvT
¡ª pakalu papito (@pakalupapito) September 30, 2016
39. Same.
ur single? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH same.
¡ª pakalu papito (@pakalupapito) August 9, 2016
Tanya Sirohi is the Trending section lead at Indiatimes. She likes to write on a range of topics including viral stories, UFO sightings and exploring life on Mars.
