Ever Wondered What The Festival Of Rakshabandhan Is Like For The Third Gender?

Rakhi is the festival of love between a brother and sister. Traditionally, a sister ties a thread on her brother's wrists. The brother may or may not be their biological brother. A bond of their kinship is formed even when a girl ties the thread to a boy, both of whom are not related but consider each other as siblings. Therefore, the generic understanding is that the festival celebrates siblinghood.

In the process, those who do not belong to either of these genders are not factored in.

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The transgender community includes transsexuals as well as the gender-queer. To better understand, transsexuals are those who are born in bodies meant for the opposite sex. This could mean a person with very feminine habits, but a man¡¯s body, or vice-versa. They may choose to seek surgeries to change their body to the opposite one, in order to match their personality. Gender-queer are people who do not particularly identify with any gender. They just do not posses dominant character traits of any gender, and may even be agender.

Often when we talk about rituals, we forget to include this broadly defined ¡®third gender¡¯.

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It is often discounted that people of all genders are made up of the same human fibre. They share the same experiences of pain, pleasure, attachment and kinship as that of the two conventionally accepted genders - male and female - although, things do seem to be changing for the positive. The visibility and acceptability of the third gender has increased drastically over the past few years. The entertainment industry also seems to be championing their cause, with both a web-series and a TV show dedicated to aspects of their lives. It is with this view that this article looks to explore what kinship means to individuals of the third gender. This is an effort to put forth their experience of sibling revelry and rakhi.

Rohan (name changed on request), was born Rohini. It is now difficult to fathom this, given the charismatic swag in his walk, and the self-assurance with which he brushes his hands through his hair. He credits this confidence to his two brothers. Living in a posh sub urban area of South Mumbai, Rohini believed that the only reason she was always drawn to being masculine was because she had two older brothers. Her family, and she herself, attributed her need to ape the boys as being a ¡®tom-boy¡¯ syndrome, given the influence.

In her teens, Rohini came to terms with her sexuality. Her family was appalled, except for her brothers. They took some time to come to terms with her personality. However, soon after, they were instrumental in championing the cause for her sex change operation, not being bothered by the perception of the upper middle class society surrounding them.

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Even after becoming a man, Rohan could feel them doing their duty for the many years of Rakhi he had tied to them, while he was in a woman¡¯s body. ¡° I no longer tie the thread, because, well I am their brother now (laughs); but I still sense that they protect me all the time.¡± The brothers, on their part, joke that they are relieved that they do not have to shell out expensive gifts anymore.

They say that they have accepted that they are now three brothers. They do agree that they are still always on the lookout for Rohan, but as their youngest brother and not a sister.

For Rohan, rakhi is now the most special festival of all.

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Asha, on the other hand, has not been as lucky. Being a woman trapped in a man¡¯s body, she always displayed feminine traits. Born to an economically hard-pressed family, she did not have the resources to opt for surgeries. Unfortunately her family was also not very supportive. She ran away from home when she was young and found those who were like her, and accepting of her.

Prod her about her family and she reveals, ¡°ek behen aur ek bhai tha, who dono bhi marte the, ¡®napunsak¡¯ kehte the. Ab kaun jane kahan hai who log¡¯. (I had one sister, and one brother, even those two would beat me up. They would call me impotent. Now who knows where they are.)

She has few and troubled memories of her family, and is reluctant to talk about rakhi as a festival. She does mention that the kinship in their brethren is strong. However, outside of it the festival has little significance to Asha, ¡°Agar mein aaj bhi kisi marad ko rakhi bandhoongi, toh who mujhe bhaga nahi dega?¡± (Even if, today, I approach a man to tie the Rakhi, will he not tell me to go away?)

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She is indifferent to the festival. She says that in the past she may have missed being able to participate, but has grown to accept it now.

These two contrasting examples show how the experience of joy of kinship can either be doubled or taken away by the reaction of those around. Rohan was blessed to have continued receiving the same love and support that he had enjoyed as Rohini. Asha, on the other hand, grew up deprived of sibling bonds, only because of her gender. It is heartening to know that there are brothers and sisters like Rohan¡¯s. They truly emulate the true meaning and duty of the festival of rakhi. In a rapidly changing world, the festival of raksha bandhan should champion the cause of tying more Asha¡¯s into the society.