Why relaxing is stressing you out: Here's all about stresslaxing

Recognising when you're stressed and needing to relax is a positive step toward self-care. However, sometimes the methods we choose to unwind can ironically add more stress to our lives, resulting in what's known as feeling "stresslaxed." This counterproductive outcome creates a cycle where anxiety and worry may increase instead of decreasing.

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What is stresslaxing?

¡°This term refers to the phenomena or experience of people who are in an anxious or stressed state trying to calm down and feel more relaxed by forcing themselves to take a break or unwind,¡± Dr. Michael Schirripa, psychiatrist said.

Forcing oneself to relax can paradoxically heighten anxiety, as people may worry about how effectively they're managing to unwind. According to Deborah Serani, Psy.D., a professor at Adelphi University and acclaimed author of "Living with Depression," this phenomenon is clinically termed as relaxation-induced anxiety or "stresslaxed."

¡°Research suggests that if you already struggle with generalized anxiety or overthinking, you may be more prone to stresslaxing. Other evidence says individuals with stresslaxing struggles may also experience panic attacks in addition to their stress and anxiety. And then there are others who may become depressed because they can¡¯t relax freely,¡± she said.

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Why can't some people relax?

Schirripa noted that external pressures and internal dynamics make relaxation challenging for many individuals. These external pressures, including work, studies, family obligations, and other commitments, often create a sense of being constantly "switched on" and responsive to the demands of others.

¡°They can then feel obligated to meet the demands of these outside influences, and as such, this can lead to a perception that they are not allowed to actually have any downtime or a space to relax that is just for themselves,¡± Schirripa said.

Moreover, advancements in technology, accessibility, and modern conveniences have blurred the boundaries between work and leisure. Sociologist Dalton Conley from Princeton University termed this phenomenon "Weisure," referring to the integration of work and leisure activities.

¡°So, it becomes very hard to carve out relaxation time,¡± Serani said.

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Does the brain resist forced relaxation?

The brain often resists forced relaxation, especially through the amygdala, which remains vigilant for potential danger. According to Serani, individuals grappling with anxiety, worry, and persistent thoughts struggle with cognitive control, making it challenging to pause certain thoughts.

¡°Along a different line, there are some people who may need to stay busy because subconsciously, being calm, having space, and experiencing ease may give rise to negative thoughts or memories of traumatic experiences,¡± she added.

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Strategies to properly relax

Here are some effective tips to kickstart your relaxation routine:

Establish Clear Boundaries: Differentiate between work and home life to prevent constant mental overlap.

Try the Benson Relaxation Method: Find a comfortable spot, close your eyes, and consciously relax each muscle from your feet to your head. Take slow, deliberate breaths for about 20 minutes.

Focus on Accomplishments: Keep a "done" list to reflect on your achievements throughout the day, fostering a sense of satisfaction and reducing stress.

Practice 5-Minute Meditation: Dedicate just 5 minutes to deep breathing, silence, and relaxation. This brief pause can significantly enhance both your mental clarity and physical well-being.

Use the "5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Technique": Ground yourself by engaging your senses. Identify 5 things you see, 3 things you hear, 4 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This technique helps to alleviate anxiety and promote relaxation.

Incorporate these techniques into your daily routine to cultivate a more relaxed and balanced lifestyle.

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