Understanding The 5 Stages Of Grief

People experience grief in response to the news of their own terminal illness, the end of a close relationship, or to the death of a loved one. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are the five stages of grief that people experience when coming to terms with a great loss. These stages help us identify and deal with what we may be feeling.

Here are the five stages of grief explained in brief.

1. Denial
Denying the reality of the situation is most often the first reaction people have after learning of a terminal illness or death of a loved one. It is common- even normal-to rationalize overpowering emotions. Denial is a defence mechanism that helps people deal with a sudden shock. People tend to ignore words and hide from the truth. Denial is only a temporary reaction, and as time passes we begin to come to terms with the situation.

2. Anger

After the stage of denial has passed, it is replaced by feelings of frustration and anger. People tend to lash out and put unwarranted blame for the death on another person. In case of a terminal illness, people can even blame god or a supernatural power for causing their pain and anguish. The stage of anger should be controlled, as it may result in irreversible damage to relationships. But anger does help people express bottled up feelings.

3. Bargaining
Bargaining follows anger. Feeling powerless and vulnerable makes people feel the need to regain control. We try to make deals with a higher power to delay the inevitable. In this stage, people tend to say things like:
"Please god, I'll never be angry at her if you let her live."
"Please let this be just a bad dream."
Bargaining is a weaker defence mechanism that we use to avoid the painful reality.

4. Depression
After bargaining, we try to live in the present. People begin to feel grief on a deeper level because they know there is no way out. Although this depressive feeling feels like it's never going to end, it's important to understand that is not an indication of mental illness; it is an appropriate reaction to a great loss. Depression, after a great loss, is seen as unnatural. But this is not true; depression is something that you will deal with and then it will pass. It is not something to snap out of.

5. Acceptance
Acceptance is not a stage everyone comes to. When death of a loved one is sudden, some people cannot see beyond their anger or denial. The stage of acceptance is about accepting coming to terms with a permanent reality. It is not essentially an act of bravery to oppose the inevitable and to deny the opportunity to make peace with the situation. Acceptance is about withdrawal and calm.

It's important to move on and make plans for the future. After a period of time, you will be able to remember your loved one without pain, or accept your own illness. You will still feel sadness, but it won't be a gut-wrenching pain. You will look forward to good times that are coming, and maybe even find happiness in the experience of living again.

*Image courtesy: Shutterstock

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