Are you always worried your partner will leave? Here¡¯s how to work through anxious attachment
Anxious attachment can make relationships feel intense and uncertain, often filled with fear and the need for constant reassurance. If this sounds familiar, you¡¯re not alone. Here are few ways to address it
Experiencing anxious attachment in relationships can often feel like you're drowning. You have that feeling of your partner never fully loving you or a continued fear of abandonment.
You might even notice that you feel insecure about your relationship constantly, often feeling as if you need ¡®reassurance¡¯ on a regular basis. If any of these describe you, anxious attachment might be present for you. Luckily, there are things you can do to work towards a healthier relationship with your partner.
Recognise the signs of anxious attachment
The first step in working with anxious attachment is to recognise it! If you can find yourself over analysing situations, feeling jealous easily or relying on your partner to validate you all the time, these are all signs of an anxious attachment style. Once you know it's not just your personality, but the emotional system (attachment system), then you can begin to make changes!
Express your emotional needs with your partner directly.
It is important to be open about your emotions. Share your worries, insecurities, and times when you are feeling overwhelmed. Don't just think that your partner will "just know." Open up about your emotional needs. A healthy and well-functioning relationship is built on understanding, so if your partner does not know how to help you feel safe, is it fair to expect your partner to simply reassure you endlessly?
Practice self-soothing techniques
While it's ok to rely on your partner to soothe your anxieties, it's important to work towards self-soothing techniques too. You can take deep breaths, write in a journal, or practice mindfulness to help regain a state of calmness when you start to feel anxiety. The more you learn to tame your anxious feelings on your own, the less it will affect your relationship.
With time, self-reflection, and the right strategies you can create a form of attachment that feels safe, stable, and comforting for both partners. (Credit: Freepik)
Question your negative thoughts
When anxious attachment is at play, it can trigger negative thoughts like picturing worst-case scenarios or misunderstanding your partner's behavior. As soon as you notice you are going down this rabbit hole of negative thoughts, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself
'Do I have any evidence to support this fear?' or 'Could there be a different reason for their behaviour?' 'Changing your way of thinking can reduce unnecessary anxiety.'
Don't place your worth in the relationship
When you struggle with anxious attachment, it is all too easy to place your self-worth in your partner's love and approval, and that can be felt by your partner causing undue pressure. To lessen anxious attachment, focus on establishing an identity outside of the relationship that contributes to your self-worth.
You could start by redoing meaningful activities that foster a sense of accomplishment, surrounding yourself with supportive, loving friends, and remembering your strengths and worth as a person, aside from your partner.
Learning to deal with anxious attachment is not permanent; it is a deeper understanding of yourself.
With time, self-reflection, and the right strategies you can create a form of attachment that feels safe, stable, and comforting for both partners.
Kriti Shukla is a lifestyle journalist with over two years of experience, writing about celebrity fashion, beauty, and culture. She covers trends both on and off the red carpet, with a sharp editorial eye and a knack for spotting what¡¯s current. Based in Delhi, Kriti blends her love for glamour and culture with a deep understanding of the zeitgeist.
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