Best Friend Breakups Are A Serious Thing And Here¡¯s Why You¡¯re Allowed To Mourn Them!
With bromances and BFFs taking centre stage in TV shows, books and movies, you can safely assume pop culture is representing reality.
Unlike the generations before us that adhered to a very 'sanskaari' formula of family above all else, we belong to a new breed. We grew up watching shows like Friends and Sex And The City that gave birth to a whole new phenomenon, which also happens to be a popular hashtag nowadays #friendslikefamily.
A bunch of people you are so close to that you place them above anyone else in your life. You turn to them for support; you share all of life¡¯s joys and sorrows with them and you deem them above or equal to your own blood relations.
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But what happens when a friendship that¡¯s close falls apart? It hurts no less than a breakup, but you are not allowed to cry or even whine, right?
Well, today, we question the paradigm because we want to talk about this difficult but all-too-common occurrence called friendship breakups. We¡¯ve all been there, we are all hurting, and we are all supposed to act like everything is okay when it¡¯s not.
Friendship breakups are a common occurrence because human nature is ever changing and we seldom feel the same way about people like we once did. What bonded us with our closest buddies could be proximity or even a shared interest that changed over time.
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According to Divya*, 30, ¡°If I had ceased to enjoy a certain friendship and the end was a long time coming, then it might just feel like a wave of relief, in my opinion. It¡¯s sad but at the same time you feel like you've been cleansed of the toxicity. Sure, you would look back at the good memories wistfully, but then you know it's for the best.¡±
We experience this kind of friendship breakup often with old friends we first met in school or college. It does make sense to live on with happy memories instead of dragging a relationship way past its sell-by date just for formality sake.
However, it¡¯s a whole different scenario if the friendship has resulted in an unfortunate fallout. Divya adds, ¡°In case of a sudden fallout, it does feel like a breakup. I'd feel anxious and heartbroken and would avoid settings where I am likely to bump into this person. And maybe overanalyse the situation; go over every word that was exchanged, and wish things had gone differently."
"The nastiness with which it ends can also come back and prick you for a long time.¡±
Finally, someone saying it like it is.
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Friendship breakups are a real thing and they hurt. There was this person in your life that was like your person. They had your back. And there was none of that sex stuff in the picture. It was so pure and so genuine that it filled gaps in you that you didn¡¯t even knew existed.
How then are you supposed to just shrug it off when the relationship comes to an end?
Mehreen*, 26, talks emotionally about the subject, ¡°Friendship breakups hurt more than regular breakups in my opinion. In a friendship, there is so much love and companionship you kind of take it for granted."
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"You want to be able to sit with the same old friends and regale your future children with stories of your antics. It hurts when you realise that it¡¯s just a dream that will not be fulfilled now that you don¡¯t see eye to eye with that person,¡± Mehreen adds.
How does one fill the void that follows the end of a close friendship?
In the case of a relationship, you mourn the breakup, wallow for a while, grab drinks with your friends, and eventually learn to curse the ex.
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But a friendship breakup follows none of these steps. Besides, would you ever want to sit and bitch about a friend who was like family to you once? Perhaps not!
¡°You have to respect people if they don¡¯t want to work things out in a friendship, but trust me, even the toughest guys feel all the emotional pain and angst when an old friendship gives way¡±, says Rahul*, 32.
As millennials, we were conditioned from the start to give our friendships a lot of importance. So, why then won¡¯t it feel like it¡¯s a personal loss of epic proportions?
As much as we wouldn¡¯t wish it upon anyone, friendship breakups are also a natural phenomenon.
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If you¡¯re going through it or have gone through it in the past, let us be the ones to remind you that it¡¯s tough and sometimes can take a lifetime to get over. Don¡¯t force your heart to forget this person and don¡¯t curse Facebook every time an old memory pops up. If it made you smile once, don¡¯t regret that it happened.
*All names are changed to protect identity
