Don't Let A Breakup Affect Your Self Esteem, A Failed Relationship Doesn't Make You A Failure
Let it go and rise above.
Right in the middle of a busy day, my best friend texted me. She asked me to check out her ex¡¯s Facebook profile as soon as I could. I did, and found that he was in a new relationship and had just added photos with his new girlfriend. She said she felt bad for the girl because of the horrible person he was. Their relationship had ended about a year ago when he moved cities. There was no big fight or scandalous cheating event, but my best friend had not taken it well.
She too had moved on and found herself someone who was more caring towards her. But that didn¡¯t stop her from hating her ex. That got me thinking about how most of us end up hating our past partners and give a negative tinge to a relationship that had once meant so much.
unsplash
But this is extremely problematic because it stops us from going back to a time we once cherished. We also tend to avoid thinking about where we went wrong and what we learnt from the relationship. Each relationship is an opportunity to evolve personally and yet, we avoid this very evolution by treating our failed relationships with hate instead of an analysis of it.
The end of every relationship is complicated. There¡¯s so many feelings involved, and we find it hard to make sense of them all. That is understandable. However, we all have a tendency to hate our ex partners after the end of the relationship.
unsplash
Once you move past all that hate, you will realize that the relationship may not have lasted but it has left you with some important life lessons. It has helped you understand your own emotional needs better and demand the same from your future partner. And when the relationship ends of a bitter note, it teaches you what you don¡¯t want from a relationship and that, again, is a great insight into yourself.
In fact, a relationship that hasn¡¯t worked out actually gives you the opportunity to analyse your own self, giving way to your growth as a human being. Doctor Jane Greer, a renowned therapist, has been quoted as saying, "The end of a relationship is anything but a failure. It¡¯s really a gain: You gain the time and opportunity to figure out what wasn¡¯t working. You get to look at yourself and what you expect in another person so that hopefully, in the next relationship, you can have a commitment that will go the distance."
unsplash
But we can¡¯t let go. We stalk them, we block them and when we bump into them by pure coincidence, it is the most awkward experience. So, we go out of our way to avoid them. When the squad gets together and starts talking about your relationship, you can¡¯t help but say the meanest things.
It is understandable, at one level. No one wants to be at the losing end of something. Thinking or talking about your ex obviously brings out all the pain you felt when it ended. But more than that, it reminds you that you tried really hard but failed at keeping your relationship strong. Your ex is a constant reminder of what could have been if you had just worked it out. While each relationship ends for different reasons, and some are definitely more hurtful than others, it is extremely important to let the hatred go.
Thinking negatively about an aspect of your life only takes a toll on your mind. And for something that got over long ago, why lose sleep, right? Instead, treat your past relationships as lessons that helped you become a better person. Moreover, treat them as a lesson that taught you what you want and what you don¡¯t want from a partner. The end may have hurt you but treat your hurt as a stepping stone to ending up with a person who is everything you¡¯ve ever wanted and a little more.