Here's A Reminder That Sad Days Won't Last Forever Even If It Feels Like They Will

Until sometime ago I was convinced that I will never stop being sad. There were some days that were little less sad than others but true happiness never came my way because sadness would envelope me in some way or the other.

I was feeling too deeply, where even the smallest of things would hurt me. Combine that with low self-worth, a budding drinking problem and lack of meaningful relationships, it's easy to feel like sad days will last forever.

So take it from someone who has been there, even though it feels like these sad days will never end, but they will. It will be okay. It has to.

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There were days when I would feel like an unworthy piece of shit for absolutely no reason. Whenever someone would ask me what's wrong, I wouldn't know how to reply. I would just always get that feeling in my throat, the one you get when you are about to cry, and you just can't stop it. Sadness would just sit on my chest and the worst of all, I wouldn't even know why.

I distinctly remember there was this one day when I was on my way to work and I felt really good. I was wearing this brand new shirt, make-up was near perfect and my hair was being kind to me. I got out of the house and sat in my car and cried straight for 41 minutes, until I was outside my office. My chest was heavy, my eyes red and I couldn't figure out why.

I was so broken that physically my body could feel it. This was so much more than feeling sad, when I could feel it in every nerve. And that's when I decided that I have to shut off the world, for as along as it takes, to feel okay again. To feel happy again.

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Naturally, by shutting off social media and shutting out my friends, I felt like I had so much time. And what did I do now with my 24 hours? I spent time with my mom. I slept early and woke up in time to see the sunrise, a time when you can really hear the birds chirping and trees rustling their leaves. I read more books. I wrote letters I would never send. I cried. I cooked. I sat on the floor for hours staring aimlessly.

I spent a lot of time in the park - the closest haven to nature I could find in New Delhi. One day, this supremely good looking boy asked if he could share the bench with me. And I was so not used to male attention, so I muttered something that sounded like a "sure". And you know what he said to me? I am quoting him verbatim:

"I have watched you sit here for days, not staring at your phone or listening to music. You know how refreshing that is? But it still looks like it's not out of choice. So hear me out before you brand me creepy. People will tell you to get over it or leave the situation again and again, but you won't. After all, nothing is as loyal as sadness. But one day you will wake up and realise how you don't want to feel like this and you will be done"

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I was shocked. Didn't this only happen in movies and books? So the next day, I woke up and forced myself to smile. Forced myself to love my breakfast a little more. Gave out as many hugs and kisses, spread kindness like I had never been hurt because this boy's words were on loop. I did this again. And again. And again.

And here I am writing about not being sad - a place I thought I will never reach. Just remember, you have the power to feel whatever you want, every single morning. Choose to be happy even when sadness is your supposed best friend. Force yourself out of bed. Force yourself to smile and see where that takes you. Because sad days won't last forever until you let them.