Life In A Pandemic: COVID-19 Changed The Way We Live But Has It Influenced The Way We Love Too?

¡°I was standing in a familiar setting in the midst of unfamiliar lifestyle changes¡±, says Rakhi. Her smiling visage pieced together in pixels on my laptop was radiant at being able to find love again. She and her boyfriend had once parted ways in 2017, theirs was a five months relationship that fizzled due to geographical barriers.

¡°But what was different this time?¡± I asked. Avoiding my gaze she pondered and answered, ¡°In the light of things that surround us now, the reason for our past break-up seemed trivial. What worked in our favour was that we never lost touch and under the microscopic view of this pandemic and how people are struggling to find love, we were able to reignite and pick up from where we left''. She agreed that if the pandemic did not exist they probably would never have knocked the door of a relationship that had once long left the building.

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Strangely enough, Rakhi is not alone in finding love in forgotten chambers but many people ever since the onslaught of this pandemic have revisited old flames. The loneliness of undergoing perhaps the biggest lockdown in the history of mankind has resulted in second chances and in some cases, the third or the fourth. Timelines meticulously created by millennials found cracks due to the impertinence of COVID-19, disrupting plans of finding ¡®THE¡¯ one to spend the rest of their lives with.

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More often than not, in the far and wide fields of social media pages, you discover influencers and their better halves serenading, us salivating beings, with their love stories. My binoculars gazed as comments poured in on these viral posts, some in adoration, a few laced in longing while others green with envy.

These couples in the past year have made the world believe that living in a lockdown with your partner can be a blissful experience. However, Amit begs to question the glamour of love we are accustomed to watching. He and Sadhana, my next-door neighbours invited me over for drinks when I described to them my curiosity about the evolution of this mystic feeling that engulfs people in warmth.

I have long been intrigued by this married couple in particular. In the 3 years that I have known them, I have hardly ever seen them together. Work takes them places, at times leaving their house keys with me while they tour the world separately. It all came to a screeching halt when international and domestic travel witnessed a ban for a few months.

The stress of engaging with each other reflected on their faces in the beginning. ¡°Both of us had forgotten what it was like to live together. There were moments when either one of us wanted to throw the towel on our relationship but there was never a time when we looked at the exit sign together. I think that helped us sail through those trying months¡±, Sadhana says animatedly over her fourth drink.

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The philosopher in her had made its presence known but to me, her rant sounded like that of a typical relationship till Amit chimed in to say, ¡°The pandemic allowed us to rediscover our relationship. It is very easy to get lost in yourself and that what happened to us, we had forgotten about the small things that mattered to one another. We were in a long-distance marriage till COVID did not cage us. However staying under the same roof this time helped us shift our individual focuses to things that truly mattered and it has translated well behind closed doors¡±, he winked, leaving me embarrassed and privy to secrets I did not wish to know. Curiosity does come at a price, I learned that night.

After my conversation with the once-proud jet-setting couple and Rakhi, the term ¡®long-distance relationship¡¯ remained ingrained in my mind. I needed to understand if being in a long-distance relationship was a double-edged sword, especially in the middle of a pandemic that restricts travel.

I implored my friends for an answer and they rightly said that for them knowing that someone is waiting to ask how was their day far exceeded the pleasures of sex. For them to be loved feels nice but to be able to reciprocate the same can brighten up the darkest of days especially in the times that we currently breathe in.

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While holding onto dear love seems like a Herculean task, there are some friends of mine who I count as serial daters. The pandemic did not dampen their spirits especially for the introverts who conveniently chose to play ¡®hot or not¡¯ in loungewear. Dating apps emerged as crusaders of love in these testing times. If love was finding its footing in a changing environment, apps promising companionship evolved at a faster pace.

First dates turned virtual and all of it came without the pressure of meeting the next day or exchanging their digits. Privacy and potential love at your fingertips, the cocktail felt dizzying.

In a bid to further understand the shifting contours of finding and holding onto love, I got on a conference call with two of my friends. Rini and Abhishek both are veterans in the world of dating apps but did the pandemic change their approach towards love? The insights were interesting, to say the least. Rini felt a pragmatic shift in her taste of men. The lockdown had combed her pickiness into an individual more open to men who did not conform to her traditional standards. She found herself pleasantly surprised at first, the conversations flowed in well but soon turned lackadaisical when meeting the person in near future seemed bleak.

¡°Pre-COVID I could go on a couple of dates in a week but now the idea of meeting different people scares me. I¡¯d choose a broken heart over failing lungs¡±, said Rins amusing Abhishek and I.

If she was saving her lungs Abhishek had been wearing snazzy masks for dates. ¡°Loneliness drove me out of the house once lockdown was lifted. The desperation in seeking companionship especially in times like these has escalated to an indescribable measure¡±, said Abhishek. When I last spoke to him. he was still in search of his Mr Right. The search never stops just like the never-ending longing in our hearts. He did add humorously that COVID had joined the growing list of infections he and his community were wary of.

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There have been many conversations in these past months with various friends of mine that revolved around ¡®love¡¯. It may sound like a far-fetched theory but I would not be surprised if questions related to love fill the internet, asking strangers for consolation and in some cases validation. Mulling over these thoughts, I observed that the more I spoke to people the clearer the picture became.

Every situation was heavily influenced by the pandemic. It played the role of a catalyst helping love blossom between friends with benefits, churning the gears of creativity for some in approaching a potential love interest, while it also unravelled the threads of certain love stories that survived adversities in the past, crushing many under its weight.

While researching and writing this article over a period of time, fate played an interesting game on me, for I soon discovered myself in the throes of a potential relationship. When I set out in search of finding answers little did I know that love itself would tap on my shoulder. It is all too new for me but it brings a level of optimism I never knew existed. There was always a flicker of hope that resided in me, hoping that one day I too would feel the pangs of warmth in the middle of my chest. My friends say they are butterflies in my stomach.

During a conversation with my love interest, I was shown a video of their grandparents separated due to COVID. A glass door stood in between them and naani ji could be seen looking concerned and softly wiping away her tears with the end of her pastel dupatta. She continued standing, looking at her husband in isolation. It was my closest brush to hope and love and how the pandemic can bring deep-rooted fears to the surface. Her silhouette has remained in my memory ever since. The tenderness in her love is what I aim to achieve on this new personal journey of mine.

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Do I have an answer now? Probably I do. The DNA of love has not changed in times of COVID only, its means of entering into your life has altered. Efforts put into holding onto a relationship are much different now. The pandemic with its ugly head has softened hearts around us, made many vulnerable and more accepting in letting someone enter.

Watching your spouse or partner on the screen in front of you may ache your heart but it further helps you build patience. To be able to hug your love in the safety of your home without a mask is indispensable. And last but not least, to be able to put your head to the pillow and dream about love is still magical, for no one can steal that from you, not even a sh*tty pandemic.