Are You The Firstborn Child Of The Family? Know What The Oldest Child Syndrome Is & How To Overcome It

Being the firstborn of the family is quite hard. Not only are you the first one to deal with all of your parents' experiments but you also have to deal with being your person along with your parents learning how to deal with a child.

It is because of you that the parents know how to treat the younger siblings better. Isn't it? Well, as negative as that sounds, older siblings all across the globe would feel, right?

But you may think how it matters to be the older one but turns out that birth order really affects one's personality. This also gives rise to the oldest child syndrome.

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What is the oldest child syndrome?

As per a research titled 'Family Transitions Following the Birth of a Sibling: An Empirical Review of Changes in the Firstborn¡¯s Adjustment', when a child has to shift from being an 'only child' to having to share the parents' attention with their younger siblings, it can cause a developmental or behavioural problem. This could also lead to rivalry with the sibling and also trauma.

But what are some signs that can give rise to the oldest child syndrome?

When they become dominating instead of leading

As per a report by weform.org, elder siblings get into leadership roles once a younger sibling comes into the picture. The leadership role generally gets ingrained in them and they carry it with them in the future as well. However, there is a very thin line between dominating and being a leader. Once the elder sibling starts becoming dominating then it becomes a sign of the oldest child syndrome.

They want to be perfect at everything

A study by John & Wales University suggested that firstborns have higher standards in general and they generally are perfectionists. Being a perfectionist is not a bad thing. However, when things start to get a little too much and when their mood starts to get affected by not getting things perfect then it could be a problem.

They may feel the pressure to be the best

The elder children already feel like they need to be perfect for everything. Over and above that their parents expect them to a role model for their younger siblings. According to Walden University's paper 'The impact of psychological birth order on academic achievement and motivation', the pressure from the parents and the need to excel at academics or otherwise could take them to a place where accepting failure can be something they can't do. This becomes problematic for them in later years.

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They start acting like the second parent to their siblings

When the younger sibling arrives, the older siblings are encouraged to take care of their younger sibling. Many times the older siblings also get the parental feelings and responsibility towards their younger siblings. While this is not a bad thing and only shows how protective they are, it can go sideways very soon. When the older siblings start forgetting boundaries and expect younger siblings to obey like the parents then it is a problem.

They can either be too dependent or completely independent

It depends on when the younger sibling was born. If there is a huge age gap between the siblings then the older sibling may get extremely dependent since they get much more attention for a longer duration of time. However, according to the learning mind's report, these kids can also be extremely independent if very less attention was given to them by their parents.

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How can the elder siblings overcome older sibling syndrome?

Parents should give more alone time to the elder child

When the younger siblings arrive, the parents' attention completely diverts to the younger sibling. This makes the elder sibling feel rejected and aloof. So, parents should make sure to give extra time to the elder kid alone also without interrupting the younger child so they feel included and special as well.

Not bombard the elder child with their expectations

Sure, as parents one has expectations from their children. But putting them all on the shoulders of the elder child is kind of unfair. Letting them know that things are okay and they can breathe easily. Since the firstborn constantly feels the need to be perfect, they should be appreciated and praised even when they fail so that they take failure with a pinch of salt. Try to notice the little things so they see that your expectations are being met in them.

They should get several opportunities

Firstborns already feel the pressure to be role models for their younger siblings. So, instead of pressuring them to do better in life parents should give them the opportunity to grow. They should give them freedom and encourage them to develop leadership skills.

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With the right attitude from the parents and a few helpful quirks, this is something that can be solved easily.