Couples With A Big Age Difference Share How & What They Do To Make It Work

In recent years, several pieces of news have been focusing on how many famous people are marrying people with a major age gap. From Priyanka Chopra to Ranbir Kapoor and Alia Bhatt, a 10-year + age gap and the age difference between many such famous people do not seem to deter their love for one another.

However, in this era of modernization and openness, the difference between ages is something that couples aren't really giving a second glance at. However, society still has a lot of questions and doubts when it comes to this romantic module.

What really should be the ideal age gap between romantic partners?

Most couples in general prefer an age gap between 3-5 years of age. This is where the male partner is older in the relationship. However, many preferences have also changed where there is an age difference of 10-15 years where any gender can be older and that isn't exactly the bar. There are several studies that suggest the correct age gap and what is the preference.

As per a study by Purdue University's Department of Psychological Sciences, it was suggested that both men and women prefer an age gap of three years where the man is older in the relationship. The study also depicted that men are okay with being with a woman who is far younger than they are and women can go ten years over their age and that is the maximum preference.

Unsplash

Another study titled ¡®A Diamond is Forever¡¯ and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration' by Andrew M. Francis and Hugo M. Mialon suggested that the age gap does not really define the success or the failure of any relationship and it is not the only factor for this. This too suggested that men want to marry women younger than them. Women, however, are much more open in their approach and they are okay marrying an older or younger man if the connection feels right.

Another Korean study titled 'The impact of age differences in couples on depressive symptoms' it was stated that age differences in partners can likely cause depression among them. It stated that couples of the same age had the lowest rates of depression while the ones with an age gap of three or more years had slightly higher chances.

What can be the setbacks of a big age gap?

While the preference of both men and women are set in stone, there are a few findings that suggest that an age gap may be a hindrance.

Things may turn bitter as time passes by

As per a study by Springer.com titled 'The marital satisfaction of differently aged couples', it was suggested that couples at the beginning of the relationship will gel well with each other, similar to how same-aged couples gel but as time passes by, things may get sour between them.

Men married to younger women are satisfied in the beginning but later on, the feelings, aren't reciprocated. Similar instances go with women. They aren't satisfied with older men after a while but that isn't the case with similar-age men. This appears to happen after six to ten years of marriage. ¡°The people who are married to a much older or younger spouse tend to have larger declines in marital satisfaction over time as compared with those who are married to spouses who are similar in age,¡± according to the HILDA study.

Chances of divorce are higher

When attraction and feelings are lost over time, the chances of separating are obviously much higher. ¡°The larger the age gap between you and your partner, the more likely your marriage will end in divorce. Only being one to five years away from your partner is nothing to worry about, but if you¡¯re old enough to be your partner¡¯s parent, then your marriage might be in trouble," says Randy Olson, senior data scientist at the University of Pennsylvania.

Unsplash

How people are making the age gap work in their favour?

While there might be a few views that mention how a major age gap may not work well, times have changed and many couples have turned the odds in their favour. In fact, there are relationships with huge gaps working out well. So, what do these couples do to make things go well:

Giving space is key

Having your own things and giving the partner their individual space typically works in favour of every relationship. There may be different preferences for both partners and individual space can help them individually enjoy it. "I am 21 and my boyfriend is 33. It really hasn't bothered us at all, other than that our preferences are different. He likes staying home and drinking and I like going out clubbing. We do meet halfway once in a while but we tend to do our thing individually and its pretty chill with us," says Preeti.

Unsplash

Having patience is the key

One good thing about having an older partner is that they have already done all the things you are going through. So they understand. However, there may be times both partners have to understand each other views even though they don't get it so patience here is the key. "I'm just out of college and he is settled in his job. So we are on different paths. I do get frustrated a lot about not getting the job but he's always patient because he has been at my place already," says 25-year-old Payal (name changed for privacy) for her 31-year-old partner.

There is a balance

While the older partner is much more mature and learns the hard facts of life, the younger partner's fresh and wide-eyed perspective can bring some flexibility in the way things are seen. This brings balance as both partners see each other's perspective. "I (female) am 40 and my wife is 29. The main difference is that I am very jaded and cynical and she¡¯s more like a wide-eyed excitable puppy. It¡¯s a nice contrast though, brings me out of my existential funk."

Communicate as much as possible

Since there is an age difference, the ideas and struggles might be different for both partners. At some point even though there may be a problem understanding where the other person is coming from, being sympathetic towards them and their struggles helps a lot. "8-year gap between my boyfriend and me. Mostly it's a non-issue since we have a lot of similar passions and we get along well. We are pretty rock solid. We do communicate a lot which helps with a lot of the issues," says Reddit user WineNowNLater.

Unsplash

While it may seem odd in theory, who cares till you are happy?