Trolls Are Not Just Limited To Social Media. We Deal With Them In Our Daily Lives Too

The concept of getting trolled on social media is not news. People hide behind their screens and take a dig at anybody and everybody at their own convenience.

Hating people online is now a given. There is no stopping people shaming and bullying with vile comments or snarky remarks. Cyber-bullying is the bane of everyone who uses social media, especially on a public forum. But what do you do when these faceless trolls infiltrate your real life?

You¡¯d be surprised to know how frequently this happens. The worst part is that most of the time you many not even realise you¡¯re being subjected to trolling by someone you know, because you least expect it from them. These invisible trolls have a knack of sugarcoating a taunt or an insult and make you feel like they¡¯re ¡®concerned¡¯ about you. Beware! They could be anywhere; from your ¡®friendly¡¯ neighbour to your ¡®kind¡¯ colleague.

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¡°My neighbour constantly keeps ¡®reminding¡¯ me that coming home late at night isn¡¯t a good idea because it might just become a way of life for me and that won¡¯t do me any good in the long run. She has even suggested things like -- ¡®Beta, tomorrow you will eventually live with a family of your own and you wouldn¡¯t want them doubting your activities.¡¯ I think she is indirectly telling me that if I maintain such a lifestyle, it could tarnish my married life. My future husband might just accuse me of infidelity. However, I don¡¯t have the mental capacity to indulge myself in a conversation with her regarding the same.¡±

-- Nisha Kulkarni, PR Agent, Mumbai

It is absolutely mind blowing to witness how people who project their own opinions on others, see no wrong in their actions. To make matters worse, this isn¡¯t limited to just people we meet every day but total strangers take up the task to school you about your own life.

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¡°My friend and I were returning home after a night of clubbing and hailed a cab. No doubt, the cab driver could tell we had been drinking and had no problem in expressing his disapproval. After a few minutes of silence, he said, ¡®Achhe ghar ki ladkiyan raat ko aise nahi ghoomti¡¯. My friend instantly snapped at him and retorted -- ¡®Bahut achhe-achhe ghar hain hamaare. Aap tension mat lo. Jo unn gharo mein rehte hain, woh bhi nahi lete¡¯. He kept mum for the entire trip after that.¡±

-- Rubina Kaur, Marketing Manager, Delhi

These two situations are perfect examples on how people choose to react to these every day trolls. It¡¯s as simple as -- You could either ignore it and go on with your life or flat out refuse to let them ¡®suggest¡¯ anything to you. However, ¡®easier said than done¡¯ comes into the picture and makes you wonder whether you could change your way of dealing with it. Is ignoring encouraging their behaviour? Is retorting capable of putting you in an unfavourable situation?

Personally, ignorance could be bliss but everyone has a breaking point and something like this could chip away at you, piece by piece, in the long run. You could repress all of it but there is always the risk of you losing your head, totally out of the blue and no one wants that. However, even if that does happen, the person on the other side most probably deserves it.

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To make matters worse, trolling is not restricted to a gender. Men shame women for most part, but now women too, have taken up the duty to throw shade at other women. A woman is used to a man trying to tell her how to live her life and to be honest, all of us have developed a certain kind of thick skin against the patriarchal jibes. But when someone of your own kind tries to bring you down, you¡¯re left feeling conflicted. Most of the time, it is passed off as ¡®genuine concern¡¯ and if you oppose it, you face the risk of being the bad guy.

Back in college, one of my very close friends used to try to bring down my spirit by constantly telling me how I should use ¡®more¡¯ make-up because my features ¡®need¡¯ it. Before this became a real problem in my head, she had already conditioned me into believing that if I don¡¯t deck up, I won¡¯t look nice.

There are serious consequences to this kind of behaviour -- You eventually start to buy into their crap and it becomes a part of your subconscious. The trolls win.

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It took me a long minute but thanks to my ability to tell right from wrong as I became an adult, eventually, I got to the place where I was always supposed to be and told her off; No more harassment disguised as ¡®concern¡¯ was going to be entertained. If you don¡¯t believe in getting down to their level, you could always take the high road and convey your message in a softer manner. Choosing to react to a real-life troll doesn¡¯t necessarily mean you have to get your hands dirty; for example, when it comes to dealing with relatives, you can just calmly choose to tell them how wrong they are.

Whether they choose to improve is totally their call. You are not responsible for their actions.

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So, the next time your ¡®friend¡¯ tells you that maybe wearing that deep-neck top isn¡¯t ¡°a good idea¡± because it looks ¡°kinda heavy¡± on you, you can either choose to ignore or simply tell her to back off and mind her own business. Visible or not, don¡¯t let the trolls have the last word.