The Pranab Manifesto

Finally, all the historic blunders are over and Birbhum＊s pride and joy is finally safely ensconced in Rashtrapati Bhavan. The Raisina hills are already reverberating to the sound of Rabindra sangeet, and Omita is scouting South Block for a suitable Durga puja location.

Even as Pranab babu was being sworn in , things immediately started getting better. Kapil Dev said sorry and made up with the BCCI and even found a new word in his dictionary, global markets rebounded with the Han Sei and Nikkei reporting significant increases (I kid you not!) and Memphis zoo celebrated the birth of a very cute sea lion pup named Teva. The audacity of Bengali hope!

There are those amongst us who are disappointed that he did not make it to PM. But hey, doesn＊t the gallant sardar holding that post also have to listen to the same Italian lady. So, in that case, in the true spirit of Delhi - who＊s got the bigger house, and all those horses, and the bigger garden and the bigger＃.. never mind.

But now that we Bengalis finally have our man as India＊s first citizen, we need to roll out ＆The Pranab Manifesto＊ 每 the seven point programme to restore Bengali pride. These are not your standard ＆roll back prices＊ , ＆forgive state debt＊ 每 ＆buy new chappals for Mamata di ＊ kind of initiatives. These are issues that have grated on good Bengali nerves for a long long time and need to be sorted once and for all. Here goes.

1) Drop the ＆V＊ word. There is no ＆V＊ in Bengal or Bengali. It＊s ＆B＊ for Bictory 每 ＆B＊ for Birgin, B The People and ＆B＊ for all the Banerjees, Basus and Bhattacharyas. These are the rules, and 25 letters are quite enough for everybody.

2) Extradite Greg Chappell to India. He cannot be allowed to continue sitting in Australia making snide comments about dada and other Indian players. And worse still, using those comments to make sure his books sell in this part of the world. Greg da has to come here and apologize to dada in person 每 and coach Wari AC in Calcutta＊s third division league just to atone for his sins.

3) Order a CBI probe into the John Abraham 每 Bipasha Basu break up. The world needs to know the real story. How could our dusky Bengali beauty＊s emotions be trifled with like that? And why did he immediately have to co produce a film on sperm donation? As Arnab would have said ＆ the nation needs to know＊. So do we.

4) Return Saif and Hrithik to us. Saif is half Sharmila, and Hrithik is all of 25% bong. The last charismatic hero we had died in 1980. Surely, there are enough Khans around already 每 Saif Thakur could easily be the next big Bengali star. He looks decadent enough. As for Hrithik, it does get a bit painful to see Mithun da still dancing around at an age when he could be collecting his pension if he was a government servant. And the only emerging hero we do have gets bullied around by pregnant South Indian ladies.

5) Ban Bappi da jokes. We have had enough. Bappi da once told a Bengali friend interviewing him that he has given ＆gaan＊ to Kishore, Rafi and , indeed, the entire country. For some reason the North Indian cameraman shooting the interview found this hysterically funny. We are sick of Bappi jokes, and just because he is short, fat and has the dress sense and walk of an overweight colour blind penguin does not entitle you to make rude comments about him. Bappi has given you ＆Disco Dancer＊ and ＆Kasam Paide Karnewale Ki＊ . And wears enough gold to stabilize our economy in case of a cash crisis. Be grateful.

6) Give Leander Paes first pick. How can our Kolkata boy be denied his rightful choice. If Leander wants to partner Vijay Amritraj or Netaji in the Olympics, it＊s his call. We refuse to allow these other guys to gang up and give him leftovers.

7) And finally, please give up on the rasgulla. We are really tired off people wanting us to talk about how wonderful rasgullas are or force it down our throats. It＊s just one of the many sweets we make and not a particularly subtle one at that. Try Nalen Gur or Kora Paker sandesh, Rajbhog , Cham Cham, Khir Kadamba or any of the scores of mithai that we make so well. And , as a post script 每 let＊s make it a rule that if a shop is called Bengali Sweets 每 the sweets in theshop are Bengali 每 not Punjabi or Sindhi or vaguely North Indian.