Who¡¯s happy about the diesel half century?

Diesel prices are breaking all the records we wish Team India would. Just last night, they achieved their greatest one day hike ever - Rs. 5. In most metros, the price of diesel is now more than Rs. 50 per litre. This price increase is particularly hard on the common man, given the wide variety of daily uses that diesel has in India.

So one might be justified in thinking that the diesel price increase will be universally criticized, and one would be almost completely right. But my research shows that there are quite a few groups which will welcome diesel reaching 50*. No doubt they will be used to argue that the price hike is a good thing. Here are a few examples:

1. Egypt and Libya: After the widespread riots in these countries last year, they must feel rather lonely; not too many nations joined them in taking to the streets and deposing their leaders, though there were some rumblings from Russia. But if the price of diesel keeps going up, they¡¯ve got to think that India will join them sooner rather than later; after all, we also have widespread corruption to keep the blood of the populace boiling.

2. Activists paranoid about equality: We¡¯ve all seen them on TV - whenever there is a crime committed by one type of person, they come out in droves and hold up signs saying that that person was targeted due to stereotyping. Up till now, these people could have complained that petrol was receiving undue attention, seeing as how its price alone kept going up. However, with the 10%+ diesel price hike, their argument stands null and void, unless they want to shift to campaigning for coal? Which brings us to...

3. The people behind Coalgate: Whoever in the government/bureaucracy masterminded Coalgate must be thanking their stars. A price increase that bites the common man and makes him worry about a few rupees a day will naturally make him forget about a 2 lakh crore scam at the Centre. And the bloodsuckers will live to bite another day.

4. Every opposition party: Every party that is not in power recognizes the inevitability of the price hike; after all, it has been delayed by months, and is linked to global fuel prices. They know that they would have done the same if they had been in power. But, since they are not, they have complete freedom to appear in the press and moan about how the government is mismanaging everything, and how everything would be completely different if only the people had voted them into high office, instead of rejecting them in every constituency possible. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, indeed!

But all of these pale in comparison to the people who are most happy:

5. All of us: It is true that we are happiest when we are unhappy; when we have something big to complain about. Mega-scams and underperforming cricket teams can sustain us only so long. We gain ammunition for our evening bitchfests only when something hits home, and hurts us every single day. So something like a huge price hike will eat at our pockets, sure, but it will also give us a target for our venom, and that is priceless. We are secretly happier than anyone.