To Everyone Who Asks, ¡®Why Don¡¯t Women Speak Up Sooner About Sexual Harassment?¡¯

When a former colleague casually wrapped his finger around my bra strap and snapped it while explaining what a noted female editor does to women, my mind went numb for a second and it took me a moment to realise what had just happened. But, after contemplating over the situation for days and weeks on end, I concluded that I was harassed. It happened in the presence of another female colleague, I looked at her, visibly shocked, gave an awkward smile and continued with the conversation. It all happened within seconds. I never spoke about it, never confronted the person in question and never told him that what he just did was unsolicited. Perhaps, I was playing ¡®cool¡¯ in the situation. Trust me, there is a tremendous pressure to be ¡®cool¡¯ these days, especially when you are trying to blend in at a new organisation. - This is just one of the many incidents that I am sharing for the first time in a public domain.

The #MeToo movement has finally hit India. In the wake of these revelations, a leading Bollywood production house stands dissolved and several noted editors and reporters of leading media houses exposed.

It all began a few weeks ago with Bollywood actor Tanushree Dutta raising allegations of sexual harassment against senior actor Nana Patekar, her co-star in a 2008 film. Soon after, at least 15 journalists plucked up the courage to come out with their own stories of harassment at the hands of their male colleagues.

And ever since, the social media has been abuzz with scores of women gathering courage and speaking about the sexual harassment/assault/abuse they went through at work.

Meanwhile, questions are being raised on 'why women took years to speak against harassment' or call out their harassers.

Cases like these have offered fresh opportunities to perpetuate victim-blaming. It¡¯s easy to shift blame on victims and ask why they waited until now?

The most common reactions are-

¡°Well, why didn¡¯t she say anything earlier?¡±

¡°Why didn¡¯t she say something at the time?¡±

¡°Why didn¡¯t she just tell him to stop?¡±

So, why don¡¯t women speak up?

The answer to this question is 'complicated,' to say the least. Women, typically, avoid the harasser, deny or downplay the gravity of the situation or simply attempt to ignore, forget or endure the behaviour.

It is indeed very common for survivors to delay divulging their trauma. However, even as highly-educated people are constantly baffled by why women don¡¯t come forward sooner, Some insight on the psychology of abuse, interactions with sexual abuse/harassment/assault survivors, may be helpful here to understand the phenomenon.

Sexual harassment and behaviours that fall under this category include: inappropriate touching; invasion of privacy; sexual jokes; lewd or obscene comments or gestures; exposing body parts; showing graphic images; unsolicited sexual emails, text messages, or phone calls; sexual bribery, coercion, and explicit requests for sex; sexual favouritism; being offered a benefit for a sexual favour; being denied a promotion or pay raise because you didn¡¯t 'cooperate'.

Abuse is gender-neutral, the #MeToo movement is gender-neutral, although for obvious reasons, given the unfortunate power balance of our society and workplaces, women bear the brunt of abuse and harassment.

Women are afraid of being assaulted and harassed again and the second time, the degree of abuse may go up a notch. They could also be slapped with a defamation suit because it is the men sitting with power and status who often abuse their celebrity position to get away with anything they do.

Socio-economic factors and risks

In a patriarchal social order, women are trained to self-doubt, put up with unsolicited behaviour and endure. The assumption that they would be able to say 'no' to the first sexual proposition is discriminating. Women, arguably, have their career, financial independence at risk, especially the ones from smaller towns. The ones coming from a certain class, caste and privilege do not have the comfort to straightaway confront the harasser at work, even if they are at the same level of hierarchy or junior to them. The fear of losing the job, the stigma of being ¡®uncool¡¯ and the tag of a ¡®narrow-minded trouble-maker¡¯ are among the major factors why women do not speak up.

Shame

Humiliation is one of the primary reasons why women do not come forward to report sexual harassment or assault. Shame, lies at the core of intense emotional damage that women and men experience when they are sexually violated. As an expert on shame Gershen Kaufman aptly stated in his book Shame: The Power of Caring, ¡°Shame is a natural reaction to being violated or abused. In fact, abuse, by its very nature, is humiliating and dehumanising.¡±

Victims of sexual violations feel invaded and besmirched and this sense of shame often causes victims to blame themselves for the sexual misconduct of their sexual perpetrator.

Most women have admitted to blaming themselves for the harassment they have gone through. Most often they blame themselves for being friendly, for not being able to ask the other person to stop and for the choice of clothes and lifestyle. Sexual assault is a horrific experience to be recounted even privately, let alone publicly. Even today, women are accused of causing their own victimisation with comments like, ¡°What did she expect when she dresses as she does?¡± and ¡°She shouldn¡¯t have had so much to drink.¡±

Downplaying assault

Women frequently find themselves living in denial and minimising what they have gone through. A comparison with someone else¡¯s experience often leads them into believing that what they went through wasn¡¯t a big deal. A friend and a former colleague once narrated, ¡°I know a lot of women who have been abused by their closest family members, such as their cousins, or are assaulted during childhood. Being sexually harassed by friends or colleagues is nothing in comparison to what they had gone through. I have told myself to move on. There are far worse experiences than what I have faced.¡±

Women somehow are trapped into believing that what they went through wasn¡¯t essentially abusive, downplaying the trauma.

Fear of repercussions

The fear of consequences is a massive hurdle women face when it comes to reporting sexual harassment or assault. The fear of losing their jobs fear they won¡¯t find another job, fear of not being promoted, fear of losing credibility, fear of their physical safety and fear of being blacklisted by the industry are among the foremost deterrents.

This is true in almost all the cases, be it a young intern, a woman in her first job being harassed, an actress trying to make her way into entertainment industry or a woman trying to shatter the glass ceiling.

Many do not disclose because they fear they won¡¯t be believed, and it has everything to do with how society perceives a victim/survivor of sexual assault or harassment. Victims are often labelled opportunists, blamed for their victimisation and if at all they muster to courage to speak up, they are judged.

Women feel it is useless to come forward and speak up because they have seen the way others have been treated. The fact that ¡°nothing¡¯s going to happen¡± is extremely deep-rooted and dissuades women from filing complaints, let alone raising their voices against unfairness.

The choice of reporting about harassment/abuse/assault solely lies with the women. Until the society and workplace believe in the validity of claims of harassment, women will continue to make a choice about when it¡¯s finally time to speak up.

Perhaps it¡¯s time to ask why do we allow men to continue abusing their power and status to sexually harass and assault women. It is important that as a society, a stronger support system, devoid of all prejudices, is provided to women whenever they feel it¡¯s time to break the silence.