Why Aadarsh India Respects Its Mothers, Just Not When They Are Breastfeeding
Public nursing remains a taboo in our sex-obsessed society and makes it a stressful experience for nursing mothers.
The public gaze and its purported morality have not spared even the natural way of our lives. Many of the things that we do are perceived and judged through a prism that weighs the human necessities against unfair standards of public opinion. Last week's incident where a couple was asked to deboard the bogey of Deccan Queen train because the woman was breastfeeding her infant son, is an example of how people react to situations as serious as breastfeeding - a process that does not need any discovery, any excuse or any new definition of rules set up by the self-proclaimed 'moral society'.
The woman, identified as 32-year-old Swapna Kulkarni Ajgaonkar, recalls the horrific incident when a co-passenger found the sight of a mother nursing her child in public objectionable. ※I could not believe the insensitivity of my co-passengers. I was not planning to occupy the seat throughout the journey but just for a little while to feed my child comfortably§, recalled Swapna.
This is just one of the many cases where taboo surrounding public breastfeeding comes into play.
Tripti Abhishek, a media professional and a mother of two, never breastfed in public. Reason 每 the male gaze and the taboo that surrounds it.
※Men somehow find breastfeeding as a sexually arousing activity. I was never comfortable about it. I refrained from taking my child out as it would require me to breastfeed him in public, surrounded by the male gaze. I always preferred to breastfeed at home or at closed premises§, she says.
She asserts that male gaze is very disturbing. ※There have been cases with other mothers where they were forced to stop breastfeeding newborns because of the discomfort. The thought of it always refrained me to breastfeed in public areas§, she adds.
The situation in the West isn't any better either.
Page Martin was dining at an Ohio Pizza Hut with her husband and a three-month-old son when her baby began to cry. She started to nurse her hungry infant in the dining room and all of a sudden, an employee rushed towards her and asked her to cover up with a blanket.
Breastfeeding her infant daughter became a nightmare for Wilson at a farewell meal at a UK restaurant, when she was ejected from the restaurant after staff claimed that other diners were offended by her behaviour, although Wilson, the mother said she did not show any flesh at any point, claiming it to be an absolutely discreet activity. There are many such cases. Be it the West or India. New mothers feel embarrassed to breastfeed in public. The problem also persists because of the lack of private booths at public places for nursing mothers.
Imagine the plight of mothers forced to nurse their child in bathrooms and secluded spots, also considering a very important aspect of motherhood 每 the postpartum depression.
Most of the times, women have been told that breastfeeding is an act of seclusion and privacy because it has remained a taboo.
Considering these instances, we, as a country, need to create some room for motherhood to unfold.
Was this always the case?
No, certainly not.
The flawed case of modernity has a lot to do with it. 45-year-old Indu, who happens to be a mother of three, recalls her time as a new mother. ※I never faced any problem while nursing my children. There is a proper way of doing it and though, nursing in public attracted a few eyes but I was never subject to constant male gaze.§
Indian grannies have admitted that breastfeeding was seen as a very natural duty of a mother. There was hardly any sexual overtone attached to it.
※The modern society has objectified everything. In the last 25 years, everything has been overly sexualised. Be it breasts, legs, shoulders or just anything. A nude woman is perfect as it is pleasing to the eyes, but a woman performing her most natural duty is found to be disturbing,§ said one of the grannies based in Delhi.
Why the taboo
Public nursing remains a taboo in our sex-obsessed society and makes it a stressful experience for nursing mothers. India is somewhere stuck in the 'moral dilemma' in our attitudes to this basic part of motherhood. Being a progressive society, as is claimed by many, women, wherever they live, whatever career they choose, many find themselves on the wrong end of hostility if they breastfeed in public.
Sexualisation of breast has a lot to do with the non-acceptance of public breastfeeding. Women＊s breasts are seen more as a sexual organ than a mammary organ. The sensuality attached to breastfeeding creates embarrassment and insecurity among nursing mothers in public.
People tend to forget that no matter how many advancements we make as human beings on an educational, scientific and cultural level, we are still mammals, and breastfeeding is an extremely basic part of the overall existence.
UNICEF
Ipsita Sarkar, another media professional has a slightly different narrative to share. ※I never had a problem with breastfeeding in public, nor do my friends have ever recalled any such incident. I have always been encouraged by random grannies and aunties to breastfeed my son as much as possible. My parents and husbands were always around that is possibly the primary reason why I never faced any such discomfort. However, breastfeeding was always discreet. I never flipped put my breasts in public.§
Well, if she did, it would have definitely raised some eyebrows.
Recalling another incident, she says ※This one time there was a bus with some foreigners travelling. A guy kept staring at me in sort of disbelief while I breastfed my son. It was, sort of, funny.§
This would only be just one instance out of 100 others where women are subject to unnecessary sexualisation even nursing their child.
Breastfeeding has always been encouraged in every society as the mother's milk is extremely healthy for the newborn. The World Health Organisation even observed the World Breastfeeding Week last year for a week in the month of August, where numerous women came out in public voicing concerns about breastfeeding.
Now, the question arises how to get rid of the discomforting male gaze?
Perhaps, it is all about getting to see more of nursing mothers in public to be comfortable with it.