Understanding Relationship Diversity: There's More Than One Way To Love

"Ye kaisa pyaar hua, ji?" (What kind of love is this?) exclaimed my friend in Ajmer, while we were discussing open relationships. There is a perceived "normal¡± way of doing nearly everything and being almost anyone. A lot of us are also aware of that norm of "normality," that unsaid rule or boundaries beyond which, beliefs, behaviours and beings start to appear, ¡°a-normal,¡± ¡°abnormal,¡± ¡°weird¡± and plain dangerous. Just the fact of being different and diverse from the norm is enough for many to squirm and question what's presented to them.

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Going beyond conventional relationships

In recent years, society has witnessed a growing acceptance and understanding of relationship diversity. Nowhere do you get to see this more than in the LGBTQIA+ community. We had to chart our own path when predominantly heterosexual patterns of love and romance didn¡¯t seem to work for us as well as they did for our straight brethren (or did it?). Polyamory or open relationships are a form of consensual non-monogamy. It has gained traction as individuals seek alternative ways to experience love and connection. Normal monogamous relationships, regardless of the moral and legal sanctions, don¡¯t seem to work emotionally and sexually for everyone. Polyamorous relationships examine traditional norms and offer a new perspective on love, commitment, and personal growth. For many, embracing polyamory has been a life-changing experience, transforming their understanding of relationships and opening doors to personal growth and self-discovery.

The most basic idea it begins with is body autonomy. It asks the fundamental question of who owns my body and who gets to decide, presumptively not consensually, what I do with it and its desires. Do love and romantic commitment automatically mean I lose (not choose) my basic freedom over my body as a sexual and emotional being? Partner ownership is questioned, a lot.

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Polyamory at its core is about forming meaningful connections with multiple partners simultaneously, with the understanding and consent of all involved. It prioritises open communication, transparency, and honesty to ensure that all partners feel respected and valued. This approach contrasts sharply with traditional monogamous relationships, which often place emphasis on exclusivity and possessiveness. By embracing polyamory, individuals can challenge ingrained societal beliefs about love, jealousy, and commitment.

One of the most significant benefits of polyamory is the opportunity for personal growth and self-awareness. In navigating multiple relationships, individuals must confront and understand their emotions, insecurities, and boundaries. This level of self-exploration can lead to increased emotional intelligence, empathy, and a deeper understanding of one's needs and desires. Polyamory challenges individuals to communicate their feelings openly and honestly, fostering a culture of vulnerability and trust.

Moreover, polyamory encourages partners to support each other's individual growth and pursue personal passions outside the relationship. The freedom to explore connections with others allows individuals to learn from diverse perspectives and experiences, leading to personal development and a broader worldview. This growth extends to the ability to manage and cope with feelings of jealousy or insecurity, fostering emotional resilience.

Also read: From Captivity To Freedom: Harrowing Journey Of Two Same-Sex Couples In North India

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Polyamory also challenges the notion of possessiveness and encourages a sense of compersion, the ability to experience joy from one's partner's happiness with others. We can write a complete article on compersion, the closest a Hindi word that comes to compersion is mudita. By cultivating compersion, polyamorous relationships become spaces of mutual support and encouragement, allowing individuals to feel secure and loved even when their partner explores other connections.

Furthermore, polyamory emphasises the importance of clear boundaries and consent, fostering a culture of respect and trust. Open communication about desires, expectations, and personal limits leads to healthier relationships, where all partners can feel safe and heard. This heightened level of communication extends to topics like sexual health, which is a crucial aspect of maintaining a physically and emotionally safe environment. Remember, there is very little room for too much communication. Trust me, you need a lot of it.

Polyamory also offers an alternative to the notion of a single lifelong partner. As people change and grow over time, their needs and desires can evolve, potentially leading to a mismatch with their long-term partner. In a polyamorous context, individuals have the freedom to find partners who align with their current life stage and interests, promoting a more sustainable and fulfilling relationship structure.

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Also read: LGBTQIA+ Mental Health Toolkit: How To Navigate The Complexities Of Well-Being

Of course, polyamory is not without its challenges. It requires a substantial amount of emotional labour, self-awareness, and commitment to navigate successfully. Jealousy and insecurity can still arise, and clear communication becomes vital in addressing these issues. However, many advocates of polyamory argue that these challenges are opportunities for personal growth and introspection, ultimately leading to stronger, more authentic relationships. Having said that polyamory is not for everyone, just like monogamy is not for all.

Relationship diversity, particularly through embracing polyamory, can be a life-changing experience for individuals. By challenging traditional norms and embracing open communication, polyamory allows for personal growth, increased self-awareness, and the development of stronger connections with others. It promotes a culture of respect, consent, and compersion, fostering emotionally fulfilling and supportive relationships. While not without its challenges, the transformative potential of polyamory lies in its ability to redefine love, commitment, and personal growth in an ever-evolving society. So to answer the original derision masked as a question, haan yaar sabka pyaar ek jaisa ho, zaroori nahi us pyaar ke saccha hone ke liye. (Not every love has to be of the same type for it to be real and valid.)

For more stories on the LGBTQIA+ community and queerness in India, keep reading Spectrum on Indiatimes.