Quest For The West: Why Does The Indian Queer Population Want To Move Out?

A conversation about the future of queer people in India with a close friend ended on a sad note when he said, ※I don＊t want to leave India, India wants me to move out.§

And then it hit me why it was such a familiar feeling.

Growing up as a queer child in a middle-class family in India, I always wanted to find an escape spot where I would simply feel okay.

In hindsight, I didn＊t know at the time that I was craving acceptance but it left me with the thoughts of running away 每 to be anywhere except here.

As I grew up and interacted with other people from the LGBTQIA+ community, I realised that I wasn＊t the only one facing these crippling thoughts. Such feelings of alienation are felt by many people from the queer community in India, which makes up for a large chunk of India＊s population 每 about 2.5 million people, at least according to a 2012 government survey, making India＊s queer community among the largest in the world.

Deepak Kashyap, a queer psychologist born in Ajmer, Rajasthan alternates his time between India and Canada. He confirmed that this wish to ※leave§ India is a common phenomenon among Indian queers. ※It＊s not the economics that drive queer population away, it＊s about safety, security and future. Finances is not the primary reason we are moving out, we are privileged in India already. But can I create a family here?§

※I wish I didn＊t have to move out,§ is the most common thing Kashyap has heard while speaking to queer people about this issue. ※A lot of us are very attached to our families, it＊s not that we wanted to leave, we were pushed out. It was a decision made for us.§

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※There are less spaces in India where queer people can be queer. It＊s mostly [possible in metropolitan cities] like Delhi, Mumbai, Pune, Bangalore. And these cities are very expensive to live in, and they possibly can＊t house 2.5 million people in just these cities,§ he added.

The truth is that the Indian queer population is moving out in a phenomenon that has come to be known as ※gay brain drain.§ Saurabh Kirpal, an openly gay advocate in India, while making his case in favour of legalising same sex marriages during Supreme Court hearings this summer touched upon the subject and said, ※there＊s also gay brain drain caused because of [lack of equal rights, including marriage equality]. The best minds all leave the country to secure freedom outside the country.§

Kirpal: There's also gay brain drain caused because of this. The best minds all leave the country to secure their freedom outside the country.#SupremeCourtofIndia #SameSexMarriage

〞 Live Law (@LiveLawIndia) April 25, 2023

According to research by the World Bank, India loses 1.3 per cent of its GDP as a result of greater incidence of despair and suicide among the homosexual population. This issue can be solved by giving equal recognition and rights to the LGBTQIA+ community. India is not only losing millions of bright queer people, but in the process, the country is also losing billions of rupees.

India is currently waiting to hear the Supreme Court＊s judgment on legalisation of same sex marriages in India. However, that didn＊t stop queer love birds from tying knots with their partners.

One such couple is Vaibhav Jain and Parag Mehta, who currently live in the United States. ※I am an Indian citizen, and I love my country. I watch the Republic Day parade every year with tears in my eyes just as I had tears in my eyes when the Supreme Court of India finally decriminalised homosexuality in 2018, offering a blanket apology for historical wrongs committed against the LGBTQ+ communities.§

Provided

※I haven't left India. But sometimes it feels like India is leaving me and millions of others behind. What are our options when other governments invite us to build and learn and achieve within their borders while having to live as second-class citizens, without having to hide who we are and who we love? Leaving India might actually be the easy choice. But, by filing these petitions for recognition of same-sex marriage, we plaintiffs are fighting to stay. We are fighting to be heard and to be seen. Nobody should be invisible to their own government, especially in a democracy,§ said Jain.

Living in India for queer people often means hiding who they are. For Jain, ※living as a gay man in Delhi and Bangalore meant living half a life.§ Jain was ※endlessly bullied 每 by family friends, classmates, even the adults at school,§ who were supposed to protect him.

He said, ※I could be gay as long as I kept in the shadows. Underground. But being from a ＆respectable family＊ meant that I would someday have to marry a woman and endure a loveless marriage that would ruin both our lives. When I got the opportunity to study abroad for my Master＊s degree, I thought it was a way out. But, of course, that meant sacrificing everything I knew and grew up with. In the 12 years since I left India for school and work, I＊ve been relentlessly bothered by the fact that it was me 每 not my bullies and tormentors 每 who were exiled. It＊s ironic who we keep and who we force out.§

Expressing similar thoughts, a software engineer from Dehradun who moved to the US in January 2022 to pursue higher education shared what led them to make this choice. ※Being in a place where I could truly be myself as a gay individual meant the world to me. The freedom to love who I love without judgment was a huge factor in my decision,§ he said.

The engineer, who wished to remain anonymous continued, ※I couldn't live my life as a gay man with complete freedom in India. It's tough when you can't be your authentic self without worrying about judgment or discrimination. I wanted to find a place where I could express myself openly and embrace my identity without any limitations.§

※I'm happy to say that I found the freedom to be myself. I've been involved in the LGBTQ+ community on campus and have made some awesome new friends. Overall, it's been a positive journey so far, and I'm excited to see what else the US has in store for me,§ he added.

25-year-old Anmol also moved to the US recently for many reasons but most importantly, to be his real self. Anmol doesn＊t shy away from admitting that he led a privileged life in India, but it came at a cost, a cost that was too high to pay for that privilege.

※Despite leading a privileged life in India, I encountered several inconveniences as a queer individual. Firstly, I spent a significant portion of my life in the closet, constantly burdened by the need to conceal a fundamental aspect of my identity. The absence of openly queer individuals during my childhood contributed to this reluctance to come out. Compounding the issue, Bollywood and other forms of Indian pop culture perpetuated harmful misrepresentations, further exacerbating the challenges faced by our community,§ he said.

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Talking about his time in the US, Anmol said, ※The legal battles that the Indian queer community is winning today were won in the US long ago and it reflects in the everyday lives of the residents of this country. It is commonplace to find officially recognised LGBT+ clubs in universities and colleges, and one may encounter openly gay professors who are happily married to their partners. This inclusive culture permeates corporate and public spaces as well. Even when I was out of the closet in India, I still experienced a subconscious impulse to suppress my queer identity in public settings. In contrast, in the US, I feel significantly more at ease and empowered to express my queer identity openly.§

※I discovered a refreshingly inclusive society where queer individuals are not marginalised but rather live openly, proud of their identities, and enjoy equal rights. They also have effective legal support available should they require it. However, despite these experiences, I continue to be a proud Indian, eager to explore a new country,§ Anmol added.

Queer people of India want to come home to a place that feels like home and accepts them for who they are. Our constitution denies discrimination, and it＊s about time this permeates into the legal framework and civil society.

What do you think about Share your thoughts with us in the comments below. For more stories on the LGBTQIA+ community and queerness in India, keep reading Spectrum on Indiatimes.