There are several different kinds of relationships in the world. While many can argue that a parent or a significant other may be the most important relationship in the world, we cannot forget about the importance of friends in our lives.
Whether it is your group of girlfriends or your group of brothers, this relationship with friends is extremely important. Being your true self with your friends is the best way to cherish life. Having someone in your life that can lift you up when you're low and celebrate your victories with you.
But, while we would like our friends and friendships to stay the same throughout our lives, that is not the case. As time passes, people change as well. Thus, priorities and friendships also change.
There are many studies that suggest that the pool of friends doesn't only change but also decreases after the age of 25. Dr. Suzana E. Flores, clinical psychologist and author of Facehooked: How Facebook Affects Our Emotions, Relationships, and Our Lives mentioned, "When we are in high school and college, it is easier to make friends because we are surrounded by groups of people with similar interests. However, as we get older, we lose this access and have to decide whether or not to befriend coworkers, which may come with its own complications."
However, there are several reasons why friendships tend to change over time or why the circle ends up getting smaller as you age.
College is pretty much the easiest place to make friends and meet new people from every walk of life. In college, you have the freedom to enjoy your life more with friends and explore new things and new experiences together. This is the time when you develop close relationships with your friends. However, after college, people tend to separate because they get jobs in different locations and even time zones. Life isn't as free-flowing as it used to be, and people tend to think more seriously about life and certain adult responsibilities. It is easy to lose touch, even with the closest friends, at this time.
"If you're a young person and you're losing high school or college friends, that's a natural progression," Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka "Dr Romance"), a psychotherapist and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together, tells Bustle.
"I was super tight with a friend of mine from the first year of college. We were inseparable until we graduated. However, after college ended, we got different jobs, so we started hanging out less, and slowly, we just kind of faded away. I miss her a lot and occasionally look through old photos from college. But even when we talk nowadays, I just realise that we aren't how we used to be anymore," says 27-year-old Nakul (name changed for privacy).
"From childhood or high school? They're all gone. I haven't spoken in years. Most just faded away due to our lives going in different directions. Some ended abruptly due to problems we had. I have some casual friends I've met in my mid-20s now, but nothing like the close friendships I had as a kid. That's one thing that definitely changes. Very few people have that super-close "best friend" as an adult, where you talk every single day about every single thing. I was assuming it would stay that way as we grew up, and I was faced with massive disappointment and hurt when it didn't," says Reddit user Micha293.?
While you will always be happy for your closest friends to find the love of their lives, it becomes difficult to maintain the friendship when your friends start to prioritise them all the time over you. Having a balance between friends and SO is extremely important, but sometimes people tend to forget that. They tend to spend less and less time with you, and, well, things tend to fade away with that.
"My best friend and I did everything together. But she made a new boyfriend, and she started bringing him everywhere when we made plans. While I didn't have a problem with that, I missed having her around and sharing things without a third person always being a party to my conversations," says Sneha (name changed for privacy).
A lot of things change when you start to grow old. Your habits, ideologies, and even interests change over time. While in school or college, you share the same interests and don't talk about deep topics; you tend to form opinions as you grow older. Whether it is political inclinations, values, or priorities, these ideologies may differ, making you grow apart.
"My very close friend got married quite early on after college. She even has a child now, while I am still living the single life. Every time we try and hang out (which is literally once in a blue moon), she talks about her kid and her husband, which I don't quite enjoy. She does not know anything about my dating life. So, we just stopped talking," says Neha (name changed for privacy).
"Okay, it's going to sound stupid as hell, but me and my high school BFF had a falling out over a very heated discussion about two different political parties. I didn't think I would take the kind of offence I did, but it just got out of hand. None of us called each other to solve it, and now we just don't talk," says Rahul (name changed for privacy).
As the adult period begins, it is up to you and your close friends to maintain the friendship. It definitely takes effort. But if it's just you who is calling, texting, and trying to hang out every time, there definitely is a problem. One tends to get tired of this, and well, friendships fizzle out in the end.
"I generally try to maintain relationships with everyone I have been close to, but if someone doesn't show any response, I just leave after a while," says Kartik.
Do you think there are other reasons?