Rafael Nadal held the ATP World No. 1 trophy because perhaps even he was not sure if it was real.
"A lot of hard work," he said with tears in his eyes which pretty much shows what the season has been like where he became the oldest year-end No. 1.
It's not about the ranking - he has claimed it more emphatically in the past - nor is it about finishing in the top spot for the fifth time in his career. It's not about longevity either - it's been 11 years since he first finished a season as No. 1. It's not even about the two Grand Slams - Roland Garros, for an astounding 12th time, and the US Open - he won this year, as riveting as that and the spoils have been. It's not. It's about what he got out of. Jailbreak. Mental, physical, emotional. A dark, dank corner in his mind, an aching body and a sagging will. In the spring of 2019, standing on his beloved red clay, Rafael Nadal contemplated a sabbatical from tennis.
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It began, however, as most things do, in the month of January. After sitting out for almost five months, battling another bout of injury woes - abdomen, hip, right knee - the 33-year-old returned to competition at the Australian Open. He started well, not dropping a set until he encountered a flawless Novak Djokovic in the final, where he was sufficiently schooled before a stunned Melbourne Park full-house. Nadal won a mere eight games in his worst performance in a title round of a major. He just didn't show up.
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That loss weighed on his unsettled state of mind like a bag of bricks. He then lost to Aussie Nick Kyrgios in the second round in Acapulco, before pulling out of the Indian Wells semifinals against Roger Federer, courtesy his right knee. Then, for the first time in his career, Nadal went without a title on clay in his first three outings. His body was healing, but his mind still carried scars.
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"After Indian Wells (in March), I was down physically and mentally. I (generally) put more attention on the mental side," Nadal explained. "I lost energy, I had too many issues in a row. Monte Carlo (his first tournament on clay) and the beginning of Barcelona have been tough for me mentally. I was not enjoying. I was worried about my health, I was too negative."
It played out graphically on the match court. Back in 2015, when he was shocked by compatriot Fernando Verdasco in the third round of the Miami Masters 1000 event, a gloomy Nadal spelt out the problem. "It's a feeling that I don't have this confidence, that when I hit the ball I gonna hit the ball where I want to hit the ball, to go (run) for the ball and not know that my position will be the right one," he had pointed out.
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This April, Nadal was stretched by Argentine Leonardo Mayer in the second round in Barcelona, where he dropped the opening set in a tie-break. After that outing, marked as it was by mental lapses, Nadal returned to his hotel room. He sat by himself for the next couple of hours, he needed time to think. See the picture as it was, rather than how he wanted to see it.
"I needed to think, about what was going on, what I need to do. A couple of issues that I had to decide on," Nadal reminisced. "One (option) was to stop for a while and recover my body, the other was to change drastically my attitude and my mentality and play the next couple of weeks. I was able to change, to fight back.
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The thing about Nadal is that he knows the competitor in him. Inside out. What he can and can't do. The understanding is so complete that, at times, to a connoisseur, it might actually appear limiting. More so in the case of a sporting legend. When Djokovic, Serena Williams and sometimes Federer lose, there's a simmering rage that reflects in an expression. At whatever-it-was that held them back from playing their best. The tightened jawline, the ice in the eye or the forced languor. With Nadal, it's more about what his opponent did than what he didn't do.
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As difficult as that Djokovic loss on that January night in Melbourne Park was, Nadal was able to see it clearly. As if he were a spectator with a front-row ticket.
"When you face players that are playing that well, you accept that somebody is able to play that well. He was better than me tonight. I was playing against a player that was at the highest level possible. We can talk a lot, but when the player did almost everything better than you, you can't complain much," Nadal said.
That understanding, coupled with characteristic humility, is what firms the steel in his spirit. It's reflects in his many declarations at press conferences around the globe, or just in the way he sums up his opponent. When Nadal says there's no easy match, it's not routine. He's got his guard up and his match face is in place.
Nadal clinched his first title of the year in the ATP Masters 1000 event in Rome in May, after which he completed his dazzling dozen at the French Open, authoring a stunning a turnaround.
His season is a study on consistency, a lesson for the next generation of players, led by last week's season-ender finalists Stefanos Tsitsipas and Dominic Thiem. "You have to play well 11 months to finish the year No. 1," Nadal said. "To win a Grand Slam, you have to play well two weeks. Having this (trophy) with me is something unexpected and emotional, after all the things that I went through."
The heart of Nadal's play is the fight in him. It's what gets his feet moving, giving his viciously spun forehand that wicked angle, the edge that shreds challenges. It makes the lefty hard to read and almost impossible to displace. It's what makes him tough to put away even when he's only scratching and clawing to stay alive.
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Nadal is not a pretty sight when he's grappling, managing nerves and a game plan that thrives on precision. He's notoriously slow between points and his match routine is almost tedious. Remember the near five-hour US Open final against Russian young gun Daniil Medvedev in September? He led by two sets and a break in the third before the match slipped into a deciding fifth set, where the 19-time major winner sailed dangerously close to the edge before hauling himself across the finish line.
Against the same opponent in London last week, in the Nitto ATP Finals, Nadal was trailing 1-5 in the deciding set in a must-win group clash when the chase for the year-end No. 1 was still alive.
"Accepting that the opponent is playing a little bit better than you and accepting that you are not that good," he said, explaining his mindset that saw him launch a dogged counter. "Sometimes, the frustration comes when you believe and consider yourself too good, you don't accept the mistakes that you are doing."
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As hard as Nadal battles, he's still able to distance himself from the exercise, not just when he's competing, thinking when on his feet, but even after the chair umpire calls game, set and match.
"It's not my obsession," he said of records, in particular Federer's record haul of 20 major titles. "It's not what makes me get up every morning to go and train or play. It's not the way in which I view the sport, and it's not the way in which I consider my sports career. I want to follow my own journey, give myself the best opportunities, and give myself the possibility of competing at the highest level. I value my playing and having this beautiful career more than anything."
For as long as Rafael Nadal can get on a tennis court and fight, he will. What comes with that comes. For the rest, he's not losing sleep. Like he said at Roland Garros, "It's not this trophy, as happy as I am to have won it. It's the turnaround." Titanic.
At 33, Nadal is the oldest player to finish year-end No. 1 in the history of the ATP Rankings (since 1973)
Having previously finished at the top in 2008, 2010, 2013 and 2017, Nadal is the first player to hold, lose and regain the year-end No. 1 on four occasions
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He is also the first player to finish No. 1 five times in non-consecutive years
The 11-year gap between his first year-end No. 1 season (2008) and his last (2019) is a record
Nadal is the fifth player to finish the year at the pinnacle of men's professional tennis on five or more occasions, after Pete Sampras (6), Jimmy Connors (5), Roger Federer (5) and Novak Djokovic (5)
This is the 16th straight season that the year-end World No. 1 ranking has been held by a member of the 'Big Four' - Federer (2004-07, '09), Nadal (2008, '10, '13, '17, '19), Djokovic (2011-12, '14-15, '18) or Murray (2016)
It is the ninth time in the past 19 years that year-end No. 1 has been decided at the final tournament of the season - 2000 (Gustavo Kuerten), 2001-02 (Lleyton Hewitt), 2003 (Andy Roddick), 2009 (Federer), 2013 (Nadal), 2014 (Djokovic) and 2016 (Andy Murray)