This happens every year. Each season of Game of Thrones only launches in July, and fans start losing their minds in anticipation by April or May. Thankfully, a saviour has come to rescue us from the night full of terrors. No, it¡¯s not buck-naked Jon Snow with a flaming sword, it¡¯s actually just a bot.
The guys at Botnik Studios love messing around with artificial intelligence in weird ways. Last year, they wrote some truly horrifying Harry Potter fanfiction. This time around, they¡¯ve used an algorithm they¡¯ve familiarised with the past Game of Thrones scripts, and used it to write one for Episode 1 of Season 8. It¡¯s far from anything realistic, or even logical, but god damn is it hilarious.
Here are some of our favourite pieces of the script:
¡°Morals are like balls.... I find myself utterly without them,¡± is such a quintessentially Varys thing to say.
The priceless image of Theon 'hesitantly' putting a sword through his uncle for daring to braid Yara¡¯s hair.
Arya¡¯s intense delivery of ¡°We¡¯re just farting around like cats in a castle!¡± is my new go-to phrase to describe getting work done in a government office.
Arya: ¡°I¡¯m a kill dancer. I hate them with the pointy end.¡± Nuff said.
Jon just standing around ¡°being beautiful and looking hard at things¡± sounds pretty much like any other GoT episode.
Daenerys is now also queen of the mountains, but she needs a special chair to say so.
Brienne: ¡°I swore a sacred oath to keep lumbering around the? seven kingdoms until I die.¡± Well that explains a lot
Sam admitting his father used to make him eat every book he read actually sounds like a plausible piece of backstory.
Cersei also declares herself the Beast of Kindness, even as Maester Qyburn ¡°licks his lips and touches the ground in a sexy way.¡± Ew, no.
Yeah, there¡¯s a whole lot of whatever that is. Give it a read, and you¡¯ll find that no real Game of Thrones episode could ever match up to this masterpiece.