25 And Jaded: Why We Are Already ¡®All Out Of Love¡¯

Back when we were teenagers, time crawled slowly. All we wanted to do was grow up and be independent. The idea of no parental supervision and chaperoning sounds amazing to a 16-year-old and we were all in a rush to catch the train to our 20s. The route was beautiful and exciting, and we loved the experiences stations ¡®21, ¡®22 and ¡®23 gave us. Some of us even found our final destination of love somewhere then. But as we hit number 25 everything came to a sudden halt. That¡¯s what being 25 years old feels like: Stuck.

Dating no longer appeals to us because we are already emotionally spent. Dating at 21 and then breaking up by 25 is like a five-year plan gone wrong.

What are the consequences?

Everyone longs for companionship regardless of the context of the said company. So, even though we are still struggling to get over the last ¡®serious¡¯ relationship, we keep ourselves open to the idea of other encounters. Dating apps are great, and whether we admit it or not, but distraction is a great tool to get over things. But how can we choose someone, when we no longer feel like we know what we want. Is it because when we did want someone at 21, before it all went downhill, it dragged our confidence and faith with it?

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"I was in a 4-year-long relationship from the age of 20 to 22 and to be honest, I thought, this is it. No points for guessing, since I¡¯m here sharing my story, it wasn¡¯t. My girlfriend and I broke up as soon as we started doing well in our career. I don¡¯t think our professional well-being had anything to do with our break up, but the fact that we changed as people definitely did. We weren¡¯t the same people who were in love with each other in our early 20s. But ever since that ended, even though I¡¯m more aware of what I need in life, I haven¡¯t been able to maintain a relationship with anyone for more than a couple of weeks. I don¡¯t even know whether it is the fact that I have less time on my hands or if I¡¯m not ready for one. I just know it isn¡¯t a pleasant space to be in."

- Sumit Luthra, Software Engineer, Lucknow

Why is moving on from a relationship in our early 20s so difficult?

Moving on is subjective; some of us are quickly done with the challenge and the rest are still struggling to get over a relationship that gave us the ¡®This could turn into something bigger¡¯ vibe at the tender age of 20-21. Growing older we now face the doom of all human emotions -- expectations. We have them from others and vice versa. Constant dejection, since our expectations are not met only makes it more difficult. This makes the moving on process even more difficult and limits us to the ¡®Have no expectations¡¯ zone.

No time for love.

On top of it, our 9-5 jobs don¡¯t help either. While we struggle on a daily basis to reach a state of nirvana at the end of the day, we forget to keep our emotions in check, or lack thereof. Our lifestyle just doesn¡¯t make us physically tired but exhausts us of our mental capacities.

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Are we doing something wrong?

Unlike the generation before us, we¡¯ve definitely evolved from the concept of ¡®right¡¯ age to get married and going about life on our own pace. But since boomers did everything a little ahead in time, we¡¯ve been taught that our early 20s is the ideal time to find the right partner. Since we are cribbing about how we¡¯ve already reached a point of emotional exhaustion, pushing ourselves to our limits just because we¡¯re constantly told that we are losing out on time is something we want to run away from.

Is there a way out of it?

Like every other maze, there¡¯s a solution for everything. This one might take longer than solving a riddle but will relieve you of a life of confusion and indecisiveness. Wanting to be with someone but failing to do so is a loop all 25-year-olds are stuck in and believe it not, it¡¯s easily breakable. But nothing ever works out without effort and that is the only thing you need to get to the other side where the grass is greener. Yes, it is easier said than done but then there is no such thing in life like a free lunch. Work towards mental well-being and put yourself out there. Don¡¯t be afraid to get hurt. As far as not wanting to experience a heartbreak like your 21-year-old self did, learning from it is a great first step.

Another tale that was shared with us by an emotionally struggling 25-year-old helped us to get more clarity on the subject.

"My relationship in college was like a fairytale. Even though I knew better than to think this is ¡®the one¡¯, we keep lying to ourselves. I went through a very sensible and mature break up where both parties mutually agreed on the fact that this is going nowhere. But even after peacefully exiting the relationship, I haven¡¯t been able to get myself back to the dating game. Maybe because I invested myself into the relationship so much that I feel like I have nothing else to offer. It does bother me to wonder if I¡¯ve exhausted all my intimate emotions before I even hit 30. I hope I find a way out of this."

- Ruhani Gill, Lawyer, Bengaluru

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As human beings have always felt the need to evolve, this is a great place to begin from. Instead of fearing intimacy, take lessons from the last one which didn¡¯t end well and implement them into the brand new one. Everyone deserves a life of peace and love. Start now.