Understanding Attachment Styles And Their Role In Adult Relationships

The internet is a gift that only keeps on giving. And while there is a plethora of information and facts about literally anything on the internet, one could definitely find new things about relationships and the things that can make or break them there.

Be it for knowing your relationship is going well, or it is literally going to end, the internet has let us know about attachment theory and what it signifies for our relationships.

What is attachment theory?

Attachment theory basically starts from childhood and it describes the emotional attachment between humans. This begins with the relationship of a child with their parents. The way your parents nourish you care for you and show communication with you defines your attachment style later when you are an adult.

As per Ainsworth, M. S., & Bowlby, J. (1991). An ethological approach to personality development. American Psychologist, the research on this theory began back in the 1950s'. The researchers found out that the nature in which infants get their needs met by their parents significantly contributes to their ※attachment strategy§ throughout their lives.

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However, this does not completely explain how your relationship is supposed to be or what is going on in them but they can let you know why your relationships are failing, the reason why you are attracted to a particular kind of people and the problems you face in relationships.

Four different types of attachment styles

There are four different attachment styles. Secure, Dismissive-Avoidant, Anxious Preoccupied and Fearful-Avoidant. As per research by Dr. Phillip Shaver and Dr. Cindy Hazan, about 60 per cent of people have a secure attachment, while 20 per cent have an avoidant attachment, and 20 per cent have an anxious attachment.

Let us talk about these attachment styles and what they mean.

Secure Attachment Style

People with this attachment style tend to be satisfied with their relationships. These kinds of people tend to showcase their emotions and interest in a healthy way but that does not mean they neglect themselves. They also are okay with being independent and alone and tend to have self-confidence. This begins with seeing their parents and how their relationship with them.

These kinds of people make the best partners, friends and family members. They know when to sacrifice and prioritise their relationship but when it comes to it, they are also good with moving on and living their life in a healthy manner. These people also do not doubt the people they are close to and are loyal and trustworthy.

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment

Unlike people with secure attachment styles, these people are generally nervous and not trusting in their relationships. They tend to want a lot of reassurance and affection from their partner. Even though these people tend to not trust even people close to them, they need their constant emotional support.

These people tend to act very erratic and overly emotional in their relationships. When these people tend to be unsure of their partner＊s feelings and unsafe in their relationship, they often become clingy, demanding, or possessive toward their partner.

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Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

People with this attachment style tend to be independent and distance themselves from intimacy. These kinds of people always find a way to close off in times of emotional need. As per research titled "Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L. M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(2), 226每244,", these people not only reveal themselves far less to their partner and friends but also tend not to rely on others, even when they should.

In general, these people close themselves off and tend to control the relationship. They are completely fine not showcasing their feelings and taking control in both friendships and romantic relationships. This is not the case with anxiously attached people who are generally controlled in a relationship.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

This one can be known as the worst of both avoidant and anxious styles of attachment. These people tend to lash out at people who try to get close to them but they also have issues with intimacy and trusting people. These people tend to close themselves off when it comes to expressing their emotions but they can't really close themselves off so at times they have emotional outbursts that are quite harmful.

As per research by "Maunder, R., & Hunter, J. (2012). A Prototype-Based Model of Adult Attachment for Clinicians. Psychodynamic Psychiatry, 40, 549每573," they also don＊t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues. These people tend to avoid intimacy not because they like being alone but because they are afraid to be hurt.

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What kind of relationships are generally formed with these attachment styles?

As per "Kirkpatrick, L. A., & Davis, K. E. (1994). Attachment style, gender, and relationship stability: A longitudinal analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 66(3), 502", it is generally noted that Anxious and avoidant generally end up being together more than their own types. This is only because avoidant types tend to put off others but anxious types are the only ones who can stick around to see them change.

This tends to make a dysfunctional relationship where the anxious type is always chasing while the avoidant type is always pulling away. It turns out to be a continuous process.

Can attachment styles change over time?

As per " Arriaga, X. B., Kumashiro, M., Simpson, J. A., & Overall, N. C. (2018). Revising Working Models Across Time: Relationship Situations That Enhance Attachment Security. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 22(1), 71每96," the avoidant and anxious types can change only when they get into a relationship with a secure type. They can rise up to their level and change styles. However, in some cases, they can also bring down the 'secure' types on their own level.

Davila, J., Burge, D., & Hammen, C's research also mentioned that the secure types can also inhabit the avoidant or anxious style after a major distress in their life like a death or a divorce.

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Psychologists Bartholomew and Horowitz discussed what each attachment style exhibits. Anxious types exhibit negative self-images, but positive perceptions of others. Avoidants exhibit positive self-images and negative perceptions of others. If these people tend to change the negative aspects then they can slowly move to secure attachments.