¡°On my first visit, I was there, the kids after their evening meditation, they hugged me. And it was a whole new world for me. All the girls hugging me one after the other, that entire experience, that one day at Protsahan, changed me, and from that moment on I was a new person, a different person.¡±
That is how Jaswinder Singh, Director, Advocacy & Communications, describes his beginning at Protsahan, the NGO he now works with. But, his role goes way beyond the designation in his email. He is ¡®Jass bhaiya¡¯ to the girls there who bring to the fore, the paternal instincts curled up in his heart.
¡°Some time ago, this happened. We were sitting with a bunch of these kids and we were out for some kind of an event, there were about 10 odd kids, me and Sonal. We sat down for dinner and some of these kids were like squeamish about yeh ni khana ya woh nhi khana, ya eating slow ya eating fast, or just not eating. And telling them ki theek se khao and yeh khao and woh khao, you know. Some of these kids are like Sonal mam is like a mom, and Jass bhaiya is like a dad. That¡¯s what I like, and I¡¯m happy with.¡±
Like motherhood, fatherhood has much more to it, than just the Biology of giving birth. Being a father is a sentiment, an emotion that eventually transforms the way you think, feel and perceive the world. For a dad, everything revolves around his children.?
That¡¯s the way Jaswinder feels about the kids ¨C his kids.
¡°These are the kids that I have, that¡¯s the feeling I have for them. I see them score good marks, perform on huge stage in front of a packed house with like 500 people - because they are so good at it - those are the things that make me proud of them. I see them make a movie on child marriage, write, edit, direct all on their own, that¡¯s what makes me proud of them.¡±
With pride and concern comes the urge to do anything and everything to make their lives better. To fathers, sacrifice comes as naturally as breathing, if it is for the well-being of their children.?
¡°It¡¯s like a feeling of giving everything in me, everything I can do, for these kids to make a difference in their lives. If one of the girls all she needs is for me to sit with her, and just listen to her talk and just be there for her, I¡¯d happily want to do that. I would want to do that any time of the day. I don¡¯t know how to explain that, but I think that¡¯s what it means, that I would want to do anything and everything that I can.¡±
Very often, women are judged for their choice to not have kids. Societal conventions assume that every woman wants to be a mother, and dictate she should be. Even so, options like adoption, surrogacy and insemination are looked down upon as ¡®unnatural¡¯ ¨C something a woman would (and should) only do, if it is medically impossible for her to bear a child.
However, there is a very similar, almost parallel narrative for men too. They too, like their female counterparts, are often judged for choosing to not have kids.?
¡°You have so many people telling you all the time that you¡¯ve married, you¡¯re getting old, you need to have kids. What are you going to do when you¡¯re older? You¡¯re going to need someone to look after you when you¡¯re older.¡±
¡°That¡¯s not the reason to have kids. All the worst ideas, all the worst reasons you can think of, that¡¯s what people have to tell to make you want to have kids. Men also have to hear that. For both of us, it was a conscious decision that we don¡¯t want kids. We have so many kids to look after.¡±
What people fail to understand is that just because someone does not want to have children of their own, it does not take away from them their nurturing instincts, love and warmth they can offer to a child.?
For Jaswinder, the fact that these kids accepted him into their lives, in the capacity that he¡¯s now in, is a huge deal in itself.
¡°I am just supremely proud of the way have accepted me in their lives. Just to be in that position ¨C? you can¡¯t just park yourself in that position. They have to accept you and they have, these kids have accepted me with all their heart and I think it¡¯s a big privilege and responsibility. And it¡¯s a huge thing for me.¡±
Children are more perceptive and receptive than adults. The glasses through which they see the world are made of innocence, intrigue and compassion. Being a father means helping them adjust these glasses to be smarter, more vigilant, and yet not lose the innocence and compassion. Ask any dad, and he¡¯ll tell you ¨C that¡¯s one hell of a task.