Real Talk: Can Exes Be Friends?
The pertinent question ¡®can exes really be friends¡¯ is one that surpasses generations, decades, and cultures even, to still remain something of a mystery. We know one thing for sure, that when it comes to matters of the heart, there¡¯s no one right answer. It¡¯s all so subjective, and so deeply human. Can exes really be friends? Well, we are curious, so we did try to probe.
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Richa Sinha, 30, opines, ¡°It works on a case-to-case basis, I think. If the relationship ended acrimoniously, then it would be a definite ¡®no¡¯. But, if two people drifted apart, and ended the relationship amicably, then they might just continue to be friends. Then again, it is hugely dependent on the equation you share with this person before you get into a relationship. I am best friends with Ritesh now, my once boyfriend. Our friendship just surmounts everything else. Having said that, I dated another guy back in college and I can¡¯t even bear the thought of being friends with him. Truth is, we started seeing each other after hanging out for just a couple of weeks. And it ended quite badly. After that, there was no question of being friends, because we had never been friends.¡±
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So, one thing is certain, there¡¯s no blanket rule here. If your friendship with the other party was deep and meaningful to begin with, there¡¯s a chance it will stay. Of course, both sides have to want it that way. It cannot get mixed with power play, and should not be used as a tool to see who moved on first. Shawn, 24, says ¡°It¡¯s kind of unnatural to be friends with your ex. I mean I tried it, because it seemed like the decent thing to do but to be totally honest, it was a mistake in retrospect. We clearly needed both physical and mental distance from each other, so we should have just taken that. Trying to be friends too soon is 100% a bad idea.¡± Okay, so that adds another angle to this equation ¨C ¡®time¡¯. But just like everything else, that¡¯s subjective too, right? How long is too long? When do you know for sure that you can in fact remain friends?
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Sunaina, 30, was in a deeply committed relationship when things went awry. ¡°I was in that hectic and fragile life stage of my mid-twenties, when life is passing you by super quickly and friends are starting to get married, etc. You take a good look at your own life and begin to evaluate everything in a rather serious way. To be honest, it was the worst time for a breakup. But it happened. And it¡¯s taken me years, and a lot of therapy sessions to be in a good place. One thing I can tell you for sure, there¡¯s no reason to rush the healing process. Am I friends with my ex now? I don¡¯t really know how to answer that, because technically, we don¡¯t hang out or anything, but we are more than amicable with each other.
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We¡¯ve moved on, and that is quite apparent. It feels good too. Just knowing that you shared something so deep with this person once upon a time, and even though your lives took different paths, you have a healthy respect for each other. It¡¯s an unspoken understanding that I¡¯ll be there if he ever needs anything and vice versa (or so I hope, lol). I honestly don¡¯t want anything more. I think this is the healthiest possible space it could be in, and I¡¯m truly grateful for that.¡±
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While some people can and have maintained what we in millennial parlance call ¡®break up goals¡¯, others maintain a firm stance on old matters of the heart. Some people like Krisha say, ¡°If he was part of my past, he belongs there. There¡¯s no damn way I¡¯d be friends with him right now. It¡¯s not needed, nor necessary¡±. Others like Mansi are more vocal, ¡°That skunk cheated on me, so there¡¯s no damn way I will even explore a friendship. If things hadn¡¯t ended on such an awful note, I¡¯d loved to have stayed friends with my ex.¡± Touch¨¦!
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With so many differing opinions, it makes one wonder, is this something to aspire for? How does one initiate or maintain this friendship? Tanya Batra concludes it for us, ¡°Of course a lot depends on how things end between the two of you, and how much you two change during the relationship and even after it¡¯s over. Eventually, does that person add anything to your day or your life ¨C that¡¯s the ultimate deciding factor. To stay friends with an ex, you need to be *really* sure that both of you are in a good place now and no one is still hung up on the other. You both also need to be really mature and respectful of each other¡¯s boundaries. Beyond that, you should leave it to fate. If despite your best intentions, you¡¯re not being able to make the friendship work out, then you¡¯ve got to learn to step back. You can¡¯t force friendship just like you can¡¯t force love.¡±
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How¡¯s that for words of wisdom and modern philosophy? We don¡¯t know about you, but we are certain that we need these healthy doses from time to time.
