In A Situationship? Understand How This Is Harming Your Mental Health?

With time, the dating game has changed drastically as well. When you think of dating in the 90s or even in the early 2000s, it was more about making connections and getting to know one another personally. People made an effort to be with someone, and monogamy was something that was enjoyed.

But in today's time, the mindset has changed. People are turning their backs on being in a committed relationship, and the fear of committing to someone is on the rise. There are so many options nowadays, thanks to social media and dating apps, that the concept of exclusivity is completely out the window. But this does not mean that people are not finding love. In fact, this has given rise to a different sort of term that is not dating and is not even an exclusive relationship: situationship.

What is a situationship?

For anyone who is still living under a rock and is not aware of what situationship actually is, it is basically when two people act like they are a couple. There are all the dates, night calls, regular text messaging, and everything else that people in a relationship do, but there is no exclusivity. Basically, one is doing everything a normal couple does, but there is no name, meaning, definition, or commitment.

A situtionship is more than a casual relationship or a friend with a benefits situation where it is decided that there will be no feelings involved. There is some form of physical intimacy, and there is an emotional connection too, in a situationship. The boundaries, however, are not clear.

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But if there are no clear boundaries, how do you know you are in a situationship?

You are not really getting to know each other

You can be talking to someone for months or even years and never get to know who they really are. You can continue talking about your fantasies or what you want, but you don't know the reality of their lives. You don't know anything about their family, friends, their life in general, or what is going on at work.

There is no consistency

Even though you may be talking like a couple, there is no consistency because, after all, there is no tag. The meetings can depend on the moods of both parties, and there is no need for regularity like there is in a relationship. Even when it comes to communication, texting and phone calls can be sporadic, with no explanation as to why one isn't consistent.

There is no talk about the future

When you are with someone for a while and grow close to them, the natural result is talking about the future and where it is headed. However, if you have been talking to someone on a regular basis for months or even years and there is still no long-term plan, you are going nowhere.

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Why is a situationship bad for your mental health?

First and foremost, if two people are in a situationship, it is a fact that one will be more attached than the other. Since there is no clear line or boundary for what a situationship should be and how one should handle it, it can result in emotional and mental trauma, just like it does during a breakup but worse.

There are basically three stages of falling in love: lust, attraction, and attachment. While in formats such as friends with benefits, it is established that attachment is something neither party seeks and there is a clear boundary, it is easy to break off, this is not the case in a situational relationship.You are basically going through all the stages of falling in love.

Dr Preeti Parakh, Psychiatrist & Head, Mpower - The Centre, Kolkata says, "any relationship that lacks commitment cannot be good for mental health as there are a lot of uncertainties involved, especially if the relationship has lasted for long. When one has invested a long time in a relationship which still is short of a fully committed relationship, it feels like a lot of time and effort has been wasted on something that is pointless. It gets even more complicated when one of the partners starts wanting more and the other is not willing. Situationships also fail to provide the emotional support and sense of well-being that comes from being in a committed relationship."

A person who starts getting more attached to a situationship might also struggle with a decrease in self-esteem or a sense of loneliness due to the potential lack of emotional attachment. People sometimes need a general sense of validation. The human mind is made this way: when someone else gives you something, you get it better. So questions like "why aren't they dating me?" and "what is wrong with me?" can consume a person and lead them to have low self-confidence. A person in this case can keep finding different reasons and faults in themselves for another person's lack of interest.

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What can you do when you know that you want different things?

Don't think you're crazy for going through the heartbreak

First of all, acknowledge the fact that it was a full-fledged relationship and you were not making things up in your head. It makes no difference whether it's a confirmation or a tag if the actions confirm what you both had. So, if you are feeling weird for going through emotional and mental trauma and think that you shouldn't because there was no 'definition,' then you are wrong. Consider it like a breakup and give yourself time to heal.

Lean on your friends or talk to a professional

Just because you are not in a relationship does not mean you cannot accept help from those around you. Talk to your peers or a professional about how you feel and how low your self-esteem is. The real ones will understand your plight and help you come out of it with all the support you require. Even a professional can help you out with tips and tricks you can follow to get over it and become more confident.

Do not contact the person

If you've had the conversation and are certain the other person does not want to proceed, simply discontinue all contact. The no-contact rule is suggested by several experts to get over a certain person. Here, you delete all pictures or any other evidence related to the person and completely stop talking to them.

The best thing one can learn from a situationship is what not to do when you get involved with someone else. You can try to learn what you want out of it and make sure you clear things out beforehand so that a problem like that does not arise in the first place.

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Moreover, it is more than important to understand your value and learn that it does not depend on anyone else's validation.