Can Ex Lovers Ever Be Real Friends?
This is the million dollar question that¡¯s crossed our minds at some point or the other, hasn¡¯t it?
This is the million dollar question that¡¯s crossed our minds at some point or the other, hasn¡¯t it?
Relationships, as we all know, are complicated. However, it is the end that is even more complicated and that¡¯s what makes it so tough. You might be the one getting dumped or the one doing the dumping. Either way, it hurts because no human is devoid of feelings. But there¡¯s a very important part, even at the end, that is one tough nut to crack: Can you really be friends with your ex?
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This could have various answers depending entirely on the sort of person that you are and the kind of relationship you¡¯re ending. However, one thing that stands true for all situations is that being friends with your ex is really an emotional roller coaster ride that might leave you feeling really sick. The end of a relationship, no matter how wonderful it was when it lasted, is marked by negativity. There¡¯s a reason it ended and unfortunately, this reason is never pretty.
Being friends, in such a situation, is done mostly to keep a connect with the wonderful past. We, as humans, tend to project ourselves as ultimately good people who can be cordial to their ex. However, this has its own consequences.
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Staying friends with your ex can lead to a whole lot of complications, which only deter you from moving on; moreover, it adds to your mental burden. There might be expectations and misunderstandings that could create unnecessary fights, leading to stress. In fact, these misunderstandings could spoil the situation to an extent where being cordial to each other may not even be a possibility anymore. Moreover, this attitude where you¡¯ve got one foot in the past while looking ahead at the future might close you off to new experiences and potential partners. I mean, who would want to date a person who claims to be close friends with their ex, right? You¡¯re going to give up on other healthy relationships solely because you refuse to let go of your ex and the bond of friendship that you promised when things ended.
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In fact, even research agrees that it might be a bad idea. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationship states that we tend to associate negative feelings more than positive ones when analysing a friendship with an ex. One can¡¯t immediately dissociate from all the negativity the now dead relationship had.
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Moreover, if your relationship happened to be toxic at any level, it is better that you pack your stuff and run for the hills before you fall into an on again, off again cycle of romance and friendship. But if you¡¯ve been lucky enough to be in a healthy relationship, which was ended with mutual agreement, it is still better to maintain distance for a considerable amount of time before you get in touch again.
