Year end awards - Part 1
The one in which we discuss the big moments of life, the universe and 2011.
It＊s that time of year again. Where everybody from the Upper Dispur Daily Gazette to the nations biggest news channels vie with each other for end of year awards. And everybody has the same, sickeningly boring categories, person of the year, politician of the year, sportsperson of the year, film of the year, actor of the year.. The truth is that most of the awards are in any case decided by who actually agrees to turn up for the award ceremony after spirited bargaining between their press agents and the news channel or event agency. And often the finest acting that you would see would be of a star graciously smiling and accepting an award for a film that was an absolute turkey.
Anyway, to take our story further, I decided to go where no journalist has gone before. I actually asked a few real people about who they thought should get awards, and in what categories. And while you could doubt the sobriety and sanity of quite a few of the folks I interviewed, I have absolutely no doubt that they will provide you with a fresh perspective on this awards business.
So here are the people they thought deserved mention for their sterling performances this year. And while we are citizens of the world, I have limited the list to Indians 每 there are a billion of us deserving souls.
Press Statement of the Year.; Mahesh Bhatt; ※I am not casting Sunny Leone for her body.§ Wow Mr. Bhatt, you have spun many a yarn to an unsuspecting Indian public, but this has to be your finest hour. Do you seriously expect me to believe that if she was an overweight dental hygienist from Canada with great attitude and a stirring life story, you would sign her.
And here＊s the best part of it, you don＊t even need to actually put pen to paper. Say the magic words, get all the coverage for your next film, financiers will line up, tongues trailing the floor, to meet your latest star 每 and you will be laughing all the way to the bank. All for signing up Ms Beautiful Mind.
Book of the year. One of my favourite people put pen to paper this year 每 so I feel truly privileged. Suhel Seth＊s ＆Get To The Top＊ initially puzzled me a bit, because I have laboured for years under the delusion that you actually had to do or achieve something to get to the top. Obviously, it turns out I am wrong. You just need to make really good friends, stay loyal to them, and one fine morning they are all famous, and you are rich and famous.
It reminds me of my favourite opening line for an interview, addressed to the partner of magician Paul Daniels, Debbie McGee. "So, what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?§ What first attracted Suhel to his many rich and powerful friends? Alas, while he tells us what to do with these friendships(stay loyal of course!) , he has denied us his infallible divining rod in seeking out and connecting with these friends. And while I am perfectly prepared to tell Mukesh Ambani or Amitabh Bachchan that what I really value is their loyalty and friendship, they may not extend me the same courtesy. Maybe, book two shall provide more hints 每 till then I shall await my turn at the bottom of the social ladder.
Promise Of The Year: Poonam Pandey. Hear me out. Here is India＊s fourth most googled personality of the year, leading the likes of Sachin, Aishwarya, Priyanka and even Steve Jobs. And what has she done to deserve this. She ＆offered＊ to strip. Get this right 每 she did not strip, she did not streak like Protima Bedi in the seventies每 she did not show one inch of her surgically enhanced cleavage. She just offered to strip for an Indian win in the cricket World Cup. Poor Vidya Balan spends months working herself into a lather to do ＆Dirty Picture＊ and all Poonam had to do was promise. And since they did win the world Cup, and nobody is telling;, history will always remain silent on whether Poonam＊s offer was any incentive. And till someone tells us otherwise, her offer shall remain with Dhoni＊s helicoptor shot as one of the moments of 2011. Or the non 每moments depending on whether you were a college hostel student waiting for the big strip. Life is cruel.
Tune in next week to hear about the remaining three years award winners this year.
Poet, playwright, photographer, calligraphist, oboe player. He is none of these. He did however hang around live cricket on ESPN Star Sports, and claimed that he used to watch cricket for a living. After a spell as head of Programming at National Geographic where he watched documentaries for a living, he moved on to the Kolkata Knight Riders where he now chases cricketers for a living. He is still tempted by quizzes, cryptic crosswords and almost anything involving the Beatles or Rakhi Sawant.
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