Renaming ourselves

Yesterday, the Minister of State for External Affairs told the Rajya Sabha something surprising, that China refers to Arunachal Pradesh as ¡®Southern Tibet¡¯. He might not have had a large (many MPs prefer to be elsewhere) or appreciative (MPs are notorious for sleeping in the House) audience, but I think his statement was very important. After all, we will be in trouble if the rest of the world starts claiming parts of our country based on geography alone. We need to be prepared for the oncoming apocalypse.

Fortunately, I have made a list of parts of our country that I feel are in danger of being claimed, either by other countries, or other parts of our country, or by celestial beings. If you¡¯re still not convinced, I have even provided the logic that the claimants will use while land grabbing. Read on to find out:

1. The Bay of Bengal could be claimed by China: This might seem a little difficult, seeing as how China isn¡¯t even on the Bay of Bengal. But Myanmar is. So, China will first have its allies in the Myanmar Government claim the Bay of Bengal as the ¡®Bay of China (via Myanmar)¡¯, which will soon be shortened in this busy modern age to the ¡®Bay of China¡¯. Imagine how many textbooks we¡¯ll have to change if that happens?

2. Meghalaya will be claimed by Indra/Zeus: Meghalaya was named after the clouds that confer hundreds of centimetres of rainfall on it every year, but those same clouds might annex it soon. The deities of rainfall and thunder might decide that Meghalaya is the earthly extension of their realm, and come down to earth to take it away. In a fight between MMS (with his weapon of silence) and Indra (with his thunderbolt), who do you think would win?

3. Uttarakhand will be claimed by the UK: This one is easy; the United Kingdom will file a petition with the UN saying that Uttarakhand, by its initials, is eastern UK, and its GDP should go to them rather than us. Because of the number of industries that have opened up there over the past ten years, this might even pull them out of economic downturn.

4. Lakshadweep will become Eastern Greenland: Both Greenland and Lakshadweep have a history of not living up to their names. Lakshadweep means ¡®one lakh islands¡¯; it has only 36 in real life, and only 10 of those are inhabited. Greenland is not green, it¡¯s white most of the time. What better reason than this to claim territory?

5. Punjab and Haryana will be claimed by Chandigarh: This is the only internal claim I see happening; Chandigarh will realize that it¡¯s the seat of government for two states, and claim both of them as Greater Chandigarh.

6. India herself will be claimed by most of the world: East Pakistan, West Bangladesh and North Lanka are self-explanatory. There might be claims from the interior; for example, Outer Madhya Pradesh, from the state in the middle of it all. And Sachin could claim it as his Temple. The West Indies could file a claim on the name, as could the American Indians. And China won¡¯t want to be left out - South West China, anyone?