Someone's Else's Body Is NOT Your Business, And This Woman Has A Compelling Argument For It
Twitter user @anj3llyfish posted a thread about the time she was visiting her relatives in India for two years in a row and how her grand-uncle had some comments to make about her weight. The conversation took a complete U-turn and her uncle changed his narrative to the fact that she looked malnourished.
If you are Indian, you would know the pain that comes with having relatives who are nosy, mindless talkers and are always offering unsolicited advice. Sorry, not sorry. Snide and unhealthy comments affect an individual in the long run, in ways that might not always be obvious.
One thing that, more often than not, becomes a topic of discussion whenever there's a family gathering, is someone's body weight. If you are fat, it's a problem. If you are skinny, it's a problem. There is no pleasing them but not like that is our main agenda in life. However, it doesn't stop them from giving their two cents on things that don't matter and this Twitter thread explains it so well.
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Twitter user @anj3llyfish posted a thread about the time she was visiting her relatives in India for two years in a row and how her grand-uncle had some comments to make about her weight.
Twitter
Apparently, in the second year, she had lost some weight she was carrying around in the first year and the change is something her uncle just had to comment on.
cw: body shaming
¡ª Anj (@anj3llyfish) March 17, 2020
once, I¡¯d had the opportunity to visit my relatives in India 2 years in a row. I went to my grand-uncle¡¯s house (a retired doctor) and he said ¡°wow! You look great! Last year you were looking very chubby, but now you¡¯ve shaped up!¡±
I was furious. I told him -
Now, some of you might be thinking, "She lost weight. Why would she have a problem with him pointing that out? Isn't that a good thing?"
No, not necessarily. Losing and gaining weight is a natural process but a personal one. You don't know what a person has gone through and commenting on anyone's body regardless of how you know them is a no-no. She explains it quite well.
with brutal honesty: ¡°actually, I¡¯ve been having trouble with my eating for several months. The doctor said it was stress. I¡¯m severely underweight right now and I don¡¯t take that as a compliment at all¡±
¡ª Anj (@anj3llyfish) March 17, 2020
His eyes widened and he thought about it for a few moments, and then...
Eating disorders are a very serious problem and weight loss isn't always sign that things are going well. So, should you be really pointing it out without knowing their journey or intention? Probably not.
He somehow launched into a lecture about how I needed to eat more, commenting that I looked malnourished. It was at that point that I realized that so much of the commentary my relatives have made about my weight, ¡°positive¡± or negative -
¡ª Anj (@anj3llyfish) March 17, 2020
The conversation took a complete U-turn and her uncle changed his narrative to the fact that she looked malnourished.
Do you realise how easy it is for some people to change their opinion within seconds just because they had a foot in the mouth situation. It cannot be stressed enough - Someone else's body is none of your business.
isn¡¯t based on ANYTHING. Not medical standards/concerns about health (which are so often used to ¡°justify¡± fatphobia in Desi communities), not any real standards... just their wanting to give me their two cents about something that isn¡¯t their business.
¡ª Anj (@anj3llyfish) March 17, 2020
She further talks about how if anyone thinks it is okay to comment on someone else's body, they should stop. Our approach to sensitive issues like this speak volumes about our own character, and no matter how close you are to a person, understand that they might be going through things that you don't have any idea about.
If you¡¯re reading this, and you¡¯ve ever commented on someone¡¯s body, ask yourself why you thought it was your place to do so at all. Even if you think you¡¯re paying them a compliment, as many think they are when they comment on weight loss -
¡ª Anj (@anj3llyfish) March 17, 2020
We have no right to diss anyone's physical presence and by commenting on weight loss/gain, we are trying to imply that their former body was bad/good; honestly, who're we to judge that?
think about the harmful standards you¡¯re reinforcing - that their body before was somehow ¡°bad¡± and now that they¡¯ve shed some weight it¡¯s something positive, to be rewarded. Think about other ways you can tell someone they look great without referring to their body,
¡ª Anj (@anj3llyfish) March 17, 2020
She also clarifies that her experience is far away from the fat-shaming and body-shaming people face every day, but she does want to a make a point about commenting on physical appearances is unacceptable.
Just in case it still needs to be said - I don¡¯t at all claim my experience with body shaming is comparable to the fat shaming and fatphobia others face on a regular basis. My example was solely to illustrate the baseless nature of the comments I get.
¡ª Anj (@anj3llyfish) March 17, 2020
Ending her thread, she makes an excellent point that since people are quarantined right now and have probably stocked up a lot of food, it might be a difficult time for those suffering from eating disorders and isolation can trigger mental health issues.
Also, I hope everyone out there in quarantine with their families is doing okay - I know being around family and excess food and otherwise isolated from the world can be very triggering for mental health issues, addictions, and eating disorders. If you¡¯re in that place:
¡ª Anj (@anj3llyfish) March 17, 2020
So, if you are someone who is going through the same, her kind words might be of some help!
there are a wealth of low-cost online therapy resources out there and if you have access to therapy already, your therapist may be willing to take a session with you via video chat. Most importantly, you are loved, powerful, and capable of getting through this phase ??
¡ª Anj (@anj3llyfish) March 17, 2020
Don't let anyone bring you down.
