Indian Woman Shares How She Had To Ask For Smallest Of Things In Her Marriage - And It's Upsetting!
A woman on a Twitter post shared how she had to think about meeting her side of the family and always ask for permission from her husband and his family.
Being a woman in India is hard. Not because of everyday sexism and threat to security, but because of the traditional roots of this country. It all gets even harder once a woman marries, especially if it's into a joint family.
A recent post by a married woman has strung similar chords for many women across India.
A Twitter user named Neeru Nagaranjan shared how the smallest of things in her life were controlled by her husband or in-laws from her first marriage. She added that meeting her parents was a big task because every time she was expected to seek permission from her husband or in-laws.
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In her post, she wrote: Sometimes I think about my previous marriage and the smallest things that used to give me anxiety. "My cousin's visiting the US, can I go meet her?" "A family member's getting married, would you come to the wedding?" Everything involved ego-stroking, begging and pleading.
Then she added how Indian men and their families like to make all these tiny things a matter of pride. Stating that there is nothing to be proud of than controlling someone or stressing them out. '
Too many Indian men and their families like to make all these tiny things a matter of pride. There's nothing to be proud of if you're controlling a person and stressing them out over inconsequential things.
¡ª Neeru Nagarajan (@poonaikaari) June 15, 2022
The post got a lot of reactions from Indian women who agreed with the sentiment. Many shared how their in-laws controlled them and how asking for anything made them sleepless. One user wrote: "Tell me about it. It used to take me two days and sleepless nights to get the courage to ask MIL if I could visit my family. Now I look back and think why did I do that but I was very young at the time. Now I am an angry auntyjee so nobody dares say anything."
Tell me about it. It used to take me two days and sleepless nights to get the courage to ask MIL if I could visit my family. Now I look back and think why did I do that but I was very young at the time. Now I am an angry auntyjee so nobody dares say anything
¡ª Alia Waheed (@AliaWaheed) June 17, 2022
The 'regrets' of those initial days adjustments, just because you're a nice person, never go away. Because once you realise it was all in vain, its yourself you get angry with. "why did I let that happen to me? " is a very tough question to answer.
¡ª Ravia (@Quaintrelle21) June 17, 2022
That anxious feeling of replaying the "request" again and again in your mind, just so you sound right . And finally you ask and it leads to an argument. Such a crap feeling.
¡ª Umm Afiyah (@AizahS165) June 16, 2022
It's so normal in Desi families.joint family main TU multiple level of permissions.miyaan saas susar and then on day of event agar choti nand ka mood kharab hai ya uski freinds aa rehi Hain TU aap nahi ja saktay
¡ª Attiya Akram (@akram_attiya) June 16, 2022
??Sorry. I know how it breaks you.
¡ª Farah (@beau_reveur) June 16, 2022
The anxiety, fear, numbness, hopelessness and depression. Changed my world, my life, myself upside down.
Sending love your way!
I understand all this too well, having seen it as a kid. I am so glad that as an adult I found a partnership where we don¡¯t need permission to do anything. I can¡¯t imagine attending any weddings anymore though, weddings themselves give me ptsd.
¡ª Gowri Thampi ????????? (@gowri_thampi) June 16, 2022
I've faced so much trauma and gaslighting that I didn't even know that was what was happening, until I messed up every subsequent relationship.
¡ª punam mohandas (@PunamMohandas) June 17, 2022
Of course, that also made me choose the wrong relationships?
Saddening, to say the least.
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Building, coordinating and crafting engaging content for lifestyle brand 'Evolve' at Indiatimes. Successfully revamping the lifestyle section including topics such as mental health, relationships, self, skin care, music etc. I collaborate with experts from various fields to gather insights and create well-structured pieces.
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